Science says: by asking these 36 questions you will fall in love

Can you build an intimate bond with someone by asking 36 specific questions? Even if that person is a stranger to you? According to American psychologist Arthur Aron, it is possible. Arthur and his wife Elaine Spaulding conducted research on love for no less than fifty years. When Arthur was still a student of social psychology (1967), he fell in love with one of his classmates: (drumroll) Elaine. Completely taken over by his butterflies, Arthur sought scientific research on love. To his surprise, he could find very little about it. Therefore, there was nothing else to do: time for his own research.

The love couple has found a way to quickly build an intimate bond with someone. Their method consists of a list of 36 questions that you go through with someone you don't know. After sharing all the answers, you must stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without saying anything. Does the spark jump over afterwards? In many cases, yes.

The experiment consists of three rounds of questions. Important: you start at 1 and end at 36. The questions become increasingly probing. Mutual vulnerability promotes closeness, that is the idea behind it. Opening up vulnerably is quite difficult for many people, so this exercise forces it. Then you set the timer for 4 minutes (2 minutes is just enough to be terrified) and look at each other in silence. Do you feel anything yet?

Does it really work? Not always, of course, but often according to the researchers. Just try it yourself. It takes about three quarters of an hour.

Round 1

1. If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you want to have dinner with?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Do you ever practice what you are going to say for a phone call? Why?
4. What does a ‘perfect’ day look like for you?
5. When was the last time you sang for yourself? And for someone else?
6. If you could live to ninety and spend the last sixty years with the body of a thirty-year-old, or with the mind of a thirty-year-old. What would you choose?
7. Do you secretly have an idea of how you will die?
8. Name three things that you and your conversation partner seem to have in common.
9. What are you most grateful for in your life?
10. If you could change something about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Tell your conversation partner your life story as detailed as possible in four minutes.
12. If you woke up tomorrow and you were richer by a good quality or talent, what would it be?

Round 2

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? Is there something you have been dreaming about for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
2. What is your greatest achievement in life?
3. What do you value most in friendship?
4. Which memory do you cherish the most?
5. What is your worst memory?
6. If you knew you would die in a year, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?
7. What does friendship mean to you?
8. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
9. Take turns naming a positive trait of your conversation partner. Continue until each has five.
10. How close and warm is your family? Do you think your childhood was happier than that of most people?
11. What was your relationship with your mother like?

Round 3

1. Make three ‘we’ statements each. For example: “We are in this room and we feel...”
2. Finish the sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share...”
3. If you were to become a good friend of your conversation partner, tell him or her what is important to know about you.
4. Tell your conversation partner what you like about him or her; be very honest and say things you normally wouldn't say so quickly to someone you just met.
5. Share an embarrassing moment from your life.
6. When was the last time you cried with someone present? And alone?
7. Tell your conversation partner what you already like about him or her.
8. What do you think is ‘too serious’ to make jokes about?
9. If you were to die tonight without a chance to communicate with anyone, what would you regret most not having told someone? Why haven't you told that person yet?
10. Imagine: your house with everything in it is on fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you can go back one more time to save something. What would that be? Why? 
11. Whose death, of all the people in your family, would disrupt you the most? Why?
12. Share a personal problem and ask the other for advice. How would he/she solve this? The other may say how he/she thinks you feel about this problem.  

Source: NY Times