Real life: “I still owe thousands of euros from my ex”

When Noa (33) started a relationship with Jacky, she never thought it would end, let alone in this way. But their break-up is a fact, just like the enormous debts Jacky has with her.

“Jacky is two years younger than me and was still studying when we met. I had already finished my studies: after high school, I went straight to university, zoomed through my master's, and then started working full-time. I never really experienced the real, wild student life. Not that I regret it now, though. Hanging out drunk in the pub or club until early morning has just never been my thing.

That was very different for Jacky. She was studying law, mostly had lectures she didn’t attend, and had a delay of two years. I didn’t mind that; I always had confidence that she would eventually finish. She’s a super smart girl, and I really understood that she preferred to have a fun student life now.

As a result, I ended up paying for almost everything: dinners, drinks, and groceries. After six months, we moved in together, and I paid the full rent. I honestly never minded that; I earned well, and she was still studying. When I suggested she look for a part-time job, she did. That it was in the hospitality industry and she worked late every weekend, I found a lot less enjoyable.

Besides dinners and groceries, she asked me to pay even more. Jacky’s parents are divorced. She has no contact with her father, but she does with her mother. She said her mother was disabled and could barely get by on her benefits. Could she borrow a hundred euros from me to give to her mother? No problem, of course. But it kept increasing and increasing. Now, in hindsight, I see how stupid I have been and how naïve, especially.

Because that money didn’t go to her mother; that money went to drinks before and after work and especially to coke. I am absolutely not a drug user and didn’t even recognize that she was using more and more. Occasionally a pill at a festival, I knew that, but I had no idea it went so much further than that.

The money kept increasing, also to buy new clothes. She needed new, good shoes for work; these hurt her feet, and there went one hundred fifty euros. And I never saw new shoes myself. When this also happened with a jacket and other clothing items, I became suspicious.

I went to her work before the lockdown when I knew she was off and was visiting her mother. And there came the shock: her colleagues didn’t even know who I was. That I was her girlfriend; they thought she lived with a roommate. She presented herself as single; moreover, she had been fooling around with a colleague. My world completely collapsed, and I kicked her out of the house as soon as she came home. She probably wasn’t even at her mother’s that day. And now I’m left with over two thousand euros that I still owe her, and I haven’t even counted the dinners and rent yet. She has blocked me on everything and is impossible to reach. When she left, she screamed that I could whistle for the money, and I’m afraid that’s really the case.

That it has become such a huge amount shocked me as well. I am really sick of the fact that I was so blind and that I am almost certain I won’t get it back. But I will never lend anything to a partner again; that is something I have learned.”