Real Life: “I suspect that my brother was involved in the riots”

Amy (27) hopes it's not true, but she is almost certain that her brother was involved in the riots in Amsterdam.

‘My brother was always a rather shy little guy. I am six years older and have actually seen him for a long time as my cute, little brother. That’s what he was. He would always come and lie down with me in bed and chat, we watched Harry Potter and had pillow fights. When he went to high school, we lost touch a bit. I had finished gymnasium and he got vmbo t-advice. He could do it, but studying was not his hobby. And that is mildly put.

His high school period was a whirlpool that pulled him down. Both in terms of grades and work ethic, but he mainly surrounded himself with the wrong boys. I once rode my bike through the park near our house and saw him there with a group smoking. At half past eight in the morning. Occasionally I would find him again when we took the dog out together on the beach or something, but at home he would pull that hoodie back over his head and his interest was fully back on gaming. I even had the idea that he had no room for girls. It was gaming and smoking, smoking and gaming.

This lockdown period is especially difficult for boys his age. There is absolutely no distraction or challenge, so gaming is calling again. And smoking.

I am now studying in Utrecht, but I am home quite a bit because I find it cozy and because my parents live close to the beach and I can run in the dunes. That’s why I also keep my brother a bit closer. During the riots, he wasn’t there. I tried to text him because I wanted to go running together, but he was completely unreachable. Through our iCloud, I can see where he is. Museumplein, P.C. Hooftstraat; I could locate him all afternoon. My heart sank and I scoured all the news programs and the internet in fear that I would see him standing somewhere by a glass container waving a flag.

My brother is not an engaged type at all. He just has the wrong friends and far too little to do. Such a demonstration riot is an outing for him. Otherwise, he would have gone to Ajax. When he came home, he immediately went upstairs and only came down half an hour later, showered and all. He had been ‘just with friends’ and off went that hoodie again. When he was lying in front of the TV, I sneaked into his room. I know what his secret hiding place is. We used to keep our English licorice and our loot from St. Martin there. Our mother is quite left-leaning, so she would sometimes throw it away when we were at school. There, behind the sliding hatch behind his bed, I saw what I will never forget. Jordan sneakers, a Nike bag, three sports pants; everything hastily grabbed and shoved into an ungrateful pile in the hatch. Like a contaminated souvenir.

I don’t really know what to do. Reporting my brother is not an option, I am not a traitor and it wouldn’t help him either. Should I tell him that I found it? That wouldn’t improve our trust bond. Maybe I’ll just plan a long walk with the dog tomorrow and hope that he starts talking about it himself…’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, Amy's name has been changed.