Real life: “I went to bed with my best friend's boyfriend”

Liselotte (31) has known her best friend Mayke (32) since middle school. Even though they see each other a bit less now, especially during this lockdown, their friendship is still just as strong. That would be over immediately if Mayke ever found out what Liselotte is hiding from her.

“I feel like such a bad person. For months. Since that one night it happened. I try to get over it or forget it often, but I can't. And rightly so: what I did behind my best friend's back is just so incredibly ugly and wrong.

Mayke has been in a relationship for four years now, with Jeremy (35). They met him while going out, when she was out with me one evening. We already knew who Jeremy was, because he was three years above us in high school and we always thought he was the best — in the way that middle schoolers can be in love. Giggling when he walks by, that kind of thing.

He clearly never noticed, because he had no idea who we were. He was out with friends that night and we started talking: Mayke and he clicked right away. That didn't surprise me too much, and yes: I was a bit jealous. But I had gotten used to the fact that Mayke gets most of the attention from guys. She's just a lot prettier and easier to get along with.

I think it was that insecurity and jealousy that made me do it. Half a year ago, Mayke called me late one night: could Jeremy sleep on my couch? Mayke was visiting her parents for the weekend and Jeremy had a leak at home. He didn't have her key and couldn't sleep at home. Of course, I said yes, I didn't see a problem with it. In fact, I thought it would be nice. I get along well with Jeremy and I had nothing to do that evening. Around 11:30, he arrived and we watched some TV with a glass of wine. That one glass turned into more and before I knew it, the second bottle was opened. We were quite tipsy.

No idea who made the first move, but before I knew it, we were naked in my bed. Both of us pretty shocked by what had just happened. Jeremy immediately said that we should never tell Mayke. He didn't want to lose her and she would never forgive me. I felt the same way and agreed with him. But now I feel so guilty. I'm incredibly scared to tell her, but I also feel it's the only right thing to do. Even though I don't want to lose her friendship. Every day I am so stressed about it and I feel like an incredibly bad person.

Especially because Jeremy is avoiding me. Not so obviously that Mayke notices, but I feel it in everything. When he does see me, he looks at me with disgust. It's clear that he regrets it and that hurts me too. Aside from the fact that I really can't do this to Mayke, I don't have that. But when I see how he looks at me again, it becomes very clear to me that a guy like Jeremy will always be out of my league.

In our friendship, I always felt a bit like the ugly duckling and I feel like I am even more so now. Because I am now much more submissive than before, purely out of guilt. I am so afraid every day that she will find out and as a strange compensation, I make sure to be the best friend there is for her. Because if she ever finds out, maybe she can forgive me.”

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their stories. To avoid hurting others, the names of Liselotte, Mayke, and Jeremy are fictional.