Real life: ‘My parents do not accept my brother's homosexuality’

Emily and her twin brother Joris (22) have been living at home again since the corona crisis. They were in the same boat: both studying, but that shifted to online and their part-time jobs in the hospitality industry disappeared. To save costs, they moved back home.

‘In hindsight, it's bizarre how much can change in about a year and a half. Of course because of corona, but also our own family is unrecognizable. Where we used to get along well, going on vacation together at least once a year — just because we enjoyed it even though Joris and I were a bit older — that is now completely different.

I find the reason really terrible. I had known for a while that Joris was gay. We are twins and have always had a very strong bond and tell each other everything. When he first fell in love with a boy, I was the first he told, and for a long time, I was the first who knew at all. I was so happy for him. It didn't come as a surprise to me that he fell for a boy.

I had hoped, and actually thought, that my parents felt the same way. After all, we were raised that way, and my parents have always been so understanding. But apparently, that doesn't quite apply when it comes to their son.

Because when Joris and I moved out, Joris really discovered the nightlife for the first time. His best friends knew about his sexuality, but at school, he was not openly gay. When he started studying, a whole new world opened up for him. Dating apps, gay bars, one-night stands, sometimes more serious flings, he finally discovered it. And he felt so much better in his skin.

That was also the reason he dared to tell my parents that he was into men. He felt he could be himself, and the reaction of my parents came as quite a shock to him. We had just moved back in with them, and so it seemed like a good moment for my brother to tell them.

It's not that they got angry, or disappointed, or sad. They just said… Nothing. I find it a bit strange that they didn't see it coming, but that can happen, of course. It's just that it's as if they can't handle it at all. The words they said were good: that they are okay with it and love him and want him to be happy. But I saw it immediately, and so did Joris: they are having a really hard time with it.

Maybe it would have been better if they had gotten really angry or had screamed out of sadness first, because now it's just pure discomfort at home for so long. They don't know how to act. Joris tries to talk about it, but they immediately dismiss it under the pretense of: nothing is wrong, nothing has changed. While everything has changed.

Normally, we always talked very openly about everything at home, now they are closed off. At the table, it's silent, as if they don't know what to ask Joris. When he mentioned meeting a nice boy on a dating app, they became uncomfortable, and my mother immediately left the table.

I actually want to confront them alone about their behavior once, because by acting this way, they are completely ruining the bond between Joris and them, but also between me and them. I find the not talking and avoiding each other even worse than fighting.’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Emily and Joris are fictional.