People say: ‘no one warned me about this when I had children’

It was a full moon, or a sleepless night, or I read through all of Reddit again. This time I stumbled upon a topic that I normally wouldn't click on right away, given the fact that I don't really have a desire for children (I do have a desire for cats, but that has already been fulfilled). So I usually skip topics related to raising kids. This one sounded interesting to me: ‘What is something nobody warns people about enough when it comes to having kids?’ I can imagine — and I often see it happening around me — that having children is often just a little different than you hoped, expected, or imagined. And of course, I have gathered the best responses for you.

1. ‘When they get older, you no longer have a private life. They stay up later than you.’

2. ‘When they outgrow the toddler phase, it can be incredibly time-consuming and concerning to raise them into good people. They start asking questions and forming their own opinions. It’s about finding a very sensitive balance between trying to get them to listen to you and making them more independent. It makes you constantly think that you’re doing it wrong. It’s really hard to find a balance in that.’

3. ‘You have to raise the child you have. The books are fine for ideas, but ultimately you have this complicated little person over whom you have power with his/her own preferences, feelings, insecurities, traits, and you have to do what works for them and your family.’

4. ‘The days are so long and the years are so short.’

5. ‘It’s incredibly important in the years between 7 and 12 to form a bond (one that lasts through their teenage years). They are so difficult to follow during that time with all the pauses in their conversations that mostly go nowhere, but at that age it’s so important to listen and converse with them. Then they grow up as teenagers who want to talk to you and who are fun to talk to, but for that you first have to endure long, boring conversations about things like Minecraft.’

6. ‘How incredibly judgmental other people, and especially other parents can be.’

7. ‘Children consume an incredible amount of time, money, and energy. And that’s if you have an average child. If you have a child with issues, it takes over your life, marriage, and free time.’

8. ‘Everything you say or do is seen and shapes the personality of another person. If you mess it up, you mess them up too.’

9. ‘The extent to which miscarriages occur. We had no idea it was so common and were devastated when it happened to us.’

10. ‘How incredibly isolating it can be.’

11. ‘They are always listening. They know much more than they can communicate; they simply don’t have the words and ideas to share with you what’s going on in their minds.’