Update: “My boyfriend wants an open relationship and I don't know what to do”

Last June, Marcella (26, now 27) shared her story. Her relationship with Chris was on shaky ground: he wanted an open relationship and Marcella didn't know how to handle it. We asked her how things are going now.

Read what happened before with Marcella and Chris. 

‘A lot has happened in the meantime. Strangely enough, it feels like yesterday, but also a long time ago. To get straight to the point: no, Chris and I are no longer together. I don't know if it's because we both had different views on our relationship or if our differences turned out to be too great. I think ultimately a combination of the two.

I was terrified that when the hospitality industry reopened, our relationship would fall apart. Chris would go back to work and I was afraid he would bring it up again — an open relationship — or that he would just do it. It soon became clear that the hospitality industry would reopen, but absolutely not in the way it was before the corona crisis. What a relief.

And actually, that made me think. And wow, how many nights I spent worrying. Or staying awake because I was afraid Chris would go for someone else and not come home one night. In hindsight, I see that I had been walking on eggshells around Chris for much longer. I didn't feel understood in my work, so I always kept that to myself. He didn't understand why I wanted to work in the Zuidas, he thought people at these kinds of companies sold their souls, and he found it superficial and bad for personal growth.

I completely disagree with that, but the few times I said that to him, he called me ‘brainwashed’. And maybe I was. But not by my work or my colleagues, but by him. An open relationship… Me? Never in my life. That I was so blinded by love and so afraid of being alone that I hesitated to give it a chance, I find really bizarre in hindsight. That's why it might seem like a different life. Yes, the break-up was really tough, painful, and sad. Ultimately, I was the one who pulled the plug, something that surprised Chris. I always went along with his flow, dared little to oppose him, and always looked up to him. And now I was the one who said it was over between us.

This was also the moment I saw a side of Chris that I totally disliked. When he lost control, he became mean. He called me all sorts of names, purely because I had decided that our relationship was over, and not him. He conveniently forgot that he had threatened this before in our arguments. Chris turned out to be an enormous control freak and at the same time a little child who panics when he doesn't get his way.

In hindsight, I am also glad that we didn't move in together. For a month, I mostly cried, because I had heartbreak but also because I was so shocked by myself; that I could let myself go in a relationship and lose myself. I am sure: I never want that again. That's why I wanted to tell how it went. If you are in such a situation or in a relationship where you can't be yourself or where you are not heard: step out. It sounds cliché, but everyone deserves someone who is valued by a partner and is respected.

I don't have a new love, but I don't mind. Not even during the corona crisis. I have good contact with my colleagues, I really enjoy my work and I dare to admit that now and I am so much less insecure. I even wish Chris all the best, but a rosy future was never in store for us.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Marcella and Chris have been changed.