Why are we so panicky about being vulnerable?

Okay, little test. Hands up if you don't feel cool about posting a photo on Instagram while you have a huge pimple on your nose. Hands up if you'd rather not burst into tears at work. If you'd prefer to hide on a bad day rather than be around people. Hands up if you think three times about that bikini photo.

Now turn it around. Would you find it weird if that friend of yours posted a photo on Insta while she has that pimple? Would you find it awkward if someone burst into tears during a speech? Did you find it strange to hear that Meghan Markle said that she was ‘not doing so well’ when that journalist in Australia asked how she was? Do you find it odd if Miljuschka posts a photo with a roll of fat and says she loves her body? That she is a mother and refuses to conform to an ideal image and just wants to be herself?

There is something strange about the concept of vulnerability. On one hand, we find it cool / tough / inspiring when someone else is vulnerable, on the other hand, we find it terrifying to be vulnerable ourselves. How paradoxical is it that we are afraid of being seen as ‘weak’, while people who show vulnerability evoke a deep sense of respect in us?

I notice that my perspectives are changing more and more. The older I get, the more sensitive I become. Instead of fighting against it, I have started to embrace it. As if there is room for a new kind of energy. An energy that I normally found silly and soft, but which now stands for courage and strength. I increasingly notice that vulnerability brings a sense of relief and connection. I have noticed that I am becoming softer and that it is beautiful. If you manage to open up, to resolve your shame and dare to be vulnerable with the people around you, you truly connect with others. That your relationships suddenly go to a whole different level.

For me, vulnerability means not pretending to be bigger than you are. Precisely coming into contact with your shadow side instead of hiding or avoiding it. Not being perfect but imperfect. Daring to come into contact with the feelings you normally prefer to push away (hi sadness, restlessness, shame, guilt, impatience, anger, doubt). In general, daring to show this to someone else and being sincere in it. Allowing yourself to make mistakes.

You don't have to be perfect at all. In fact: you are allowed to be imperfect. That should be said sometimes, as far as I'm concerned. You are allowed to have wrong insights, make foolish choices. Misjudge a situation sometimes. And gosh, you are allowed to feel much more. Feeling hurt or affected, not having your feelings under control for a moment. You are a human being, right? You don't have to be strong all the time, build a career, have control over your life, and come across as professional.

Can you also be too vulnerable? That can happen too. Everything that is ‘too’ becomes your pitfall, you understand that. Go too far in your vulnerability and you become naive or unsuspecting. Not very critical or alert. Which is not really handy either. So as with everything, balance is key here too.

But always ask yourself this question: are you still trying to become what others expect of you? Or are you trying to be who you are? Do you feel the difference?

That's what I mean.

P.S.: If you have twenty minutes to spare for a great TED Talk about the power behind vulnerability, take a look at this plea from professor and bestselling author Brené Brown.