Why the marriage proposal is actually completely outdated

With the danger that I will never be asked to marry again, I write this piece. Because I want to talk about the proposal. The traditional ‘she or he goes down on one knee, pulls out a small box with something that sparkles from their inner pocket, and you let out high-pitched squeals and shout ‘yes, yes, yes of course’ and then call all your friends, girlfriends, and of course father or mother.’ The life task is accomplished: to marry.

Of course, it's cute and sweet and romantic, but it's not really emancipated. Even one of my most liberated friends thinks during a heated argument with her boyfriend: don't make it too extravagant, what if he wants to propose to you and you ruin it. And that's of course ridiculous. That we are just sitting here waiting for him to take the pleasure of asking that one question.

We are something, but apparently not very far removed from the Bridgerton era where noble girls pushed their best bosoms forward in the hope of appealing to any man in the hope that he would want to marry you.

I believe that I (although my love can always give me a beautiful ring, which he often has done by the way) can also ask if I want to ‘commit to him in marriage’, although I do like the equal-crossing principle. Enjoying a nice meal together, raising a glass, and saying ‘shall we get married then’. Just like you once decided together to try to have children.

What I also like is both asking. That's what Wendy van Dijk did (still quite damaged by the whole Xander situation that was still doing comparative research two days before their wedding) a you-can-propose-to-me proposal with rose petals and sweet things and everything that comes with it. That was the starting signal for Erland to unpack for her. I find that independent and emancipated. Truly romantic and traditional, but that passive, waiting role, I hope we have left behind.