These are the 3 phases of a toxic relationship
Toxic relationships are not exactly something new, although there seems to be — I feel — more attention to it nowadays. That's only better, as it allows you to better recognize the red flags should you find yourself in such a situation. However, it can still be quite difficult to recognize something like that. For example, love bombing can feel very nice and you may not see anything wrong with it, while that is precisely the hallmark of the beginning of a toxic relationship.
And that toxic relationship, according to research, comes in three phases. So keep an eye on the points below, so you don't end up in one.
1. Phase one: idealization
This is the phase where it revolves around love bombing. You are constantly told how wonderful you are, how beautiful, funny, intelligent, and so on. That is of course very nice to hear, but remember that this does not come from pure love, but from the need to make you dependent. Your partner may also often surprise you with large gifts or spontaneous vacations that are not discussed with you in advance. Often, people say afterward that this love bombing caught them off guard. Your partner may also interrogate you about your greatest fears, your shames, and use those against you in later phases.
2. Phase two: devaluation
After your partner has made you dependent on him/her and is sure that you are committed to that person, emotional abuse will increasingly come to the forefront. That person will bring you down, for example by commenting on your appearance, your clothing, or your ambitions. And if you set your boundaries, saying that you don't find this okay, that person may use your weaknesses from phase one (which you confided in) against you.
What can also happen is that your partner will say that someone else said something nasty about you, under the guise of ‘I didn't want to tell you, but I thought you really needed to know.’ This doesn't even have to be true, but is purely intended to isolate you from your friends and family.
3. Phase three: Discarding
When the relationship ends, it doesn't even really matter who breaks up: your toxic (ex-)partner will not let you go easily. Your ex will make promises that he/she/they couldn't keep during your relationship and will promise that it will get better. If you pay close attention, you will notice that your ex never really apologizes. And if you go back, it won't change: that ex remains just as toxic.
Cheating is also not uncommon in a toxic relationship, which you only find out about afterward. Additionally, these kinds of toxic people often have narcissistic traits and find it easier to go back to the familiar (their exes) who fulfilled their narcissistic needs than to look for something new.
What is best to do? Cut off all contact or maintain as little contact as possible and take good care of yourself and surround yourself with people who truly have your best interests at heart and with whom you feel good.
And if you want to talk to a psychologist about your experiences or problems with toxic people and/or toxic relationships: do it.
Source: Psychology Today
