Hey, it's okay if you're a benign loser

Someone once asked me how I would describe myself. I find that a) difficult because it’s about myself and b) difficult because you also have something like social desirability. Take nice or kind, for example. I am kind, but I have been taught my whole life that this would not yield any benefits in my career. How stupid is that? Enormously, it turns out. New research shows that this is precisely a trait that helps you advance.

Not just a little further, by the way; the fact that we humans are such accommodating beings might be our right to exist. Long, long ago, there were many more human species than just us Homo sapiens. Think of the Neanderthals and Homo erectus. In this list, we Homo sapiens were not likely the strongest, yet we survived. How? Through something that is often seen as a weakness, such as our empathy, compassion for others, and our dependence on each other. Scientists are now leaning towards the idea that this actually worked in favor of Homo sapiens.

I still remember that I had to swallow hard before I mentioned ‘kind’ as one of my character traits. But why actually? Isn’t it ridiculous that this doesn’t get you much further in life? I used to hear someone sighing that you wouldn’t win a war with those kinds of types. Well, it turns out to be quite the opposite. The right of the kindest has already proven to work enormously in your favor. This is how we sapiens lived in larger groups and were masters at forming alliances. It could very well be that those very skills make us so suited to live on this planet.

Cooperation, helping each other, and caring for one another might therefore be what gives our species the right to exist. Due to the need for contact, the network of Homo sapiens already stretched hundreds of kilometers in the past. And when something world-changing happened, at least we were together.

But what about the claim that unkind people are more successful? That might be true, but as a leader, manager, or director, you also have a higher chance of being a narcissist. Furthermore, there are studies that say kind people are less likely to experience burnout, are happier, it helps reduce your stress, and it increases your life expectancy.

And you certainly aren’t going to apologize now for being a nice or kind person, are you? I thought so too. It has, after all, saved our existence.