Why a relationship that is not forever is definitely worth it
I regularly get asked if I think I will stay together with my loved one forever. To be completely honest: I find this to be a very exhausting question, because how can I know that? I can't predict what the future will bring us, can I? And what does it actually matter? Apparently, many people are still firmly convinced that it's a waste of time to be with someone if you're not sure whether your existence is eternal. In my view, this thought is rather old-fashioned, outdated, and puts unnecessary pressure on your relationship.
According to philosopher Alain de Botton, the biggest assumption of our time is that love is only ‘real’ if it is forever. This is the image we grow up with: that a good relationship equals a long relationship. This idea is also accompanied by the feeling of ‘failing in love’ when such a relationship does not last forever. The relationship is soon labeled as failed and seen as wasted time, but I really don't understand this at all.
Experiencing feelings of happiness for years by being with someone is precisely very valuable, isn't it? And if that happiness is no longer to be found one day, then it seems more than logical to close this period ‘on time’ so that you can look back on it lovingly. Why would you hold on to something that is no longer there for the rest of your life filled with frustration, sadness, and anger when you can also decide to find happiness again in a different way?
Moreover, I think that having multiple ‘short’ relationships can be incredibly educational. All those different characters you encounter teach you so much about yourself and others. What exactly am I attracted to? What actually suits me? What do I find important in a partner? Precisely because I am now in my fourth serious (but still short) relationship, I know all too well what I need. And I really owe that to my previous loves.
De Botton also believes that we should not see short love as a failed version of the long variant, but as a separate form that also has its own advantages. Knowing that someone can leave and that the relationship is not a given can, for example, ensure that you make extra effort for each other. Some people thrive well in a long relationship according to De Botton, but others should not feel the obligation to try this as well. They should have the freedom to decide, together with their partner, that it has been beautiful after a while, without having to part painfully and with pent-up frustrations.
Finally, a beautiful quote from De Botton: ‘In other aspects of our lives, we find it very normal to do something different after a while. For example, we move, even if we really like the house we live in. We don't feel like we are betraying the house when we decide that, for whatever reason, it is time to move on.’ And this is exactly how I experience it in love as well.
Source: Bedrock
