Advice from an expert: how to get better in bed
Let's first assume the best possible scenario. You are of course a sex god(goddess), not only thinking of yourself during lovemaking but also of your partner, and the highlights come flying at you daily. That's that. But even then, it is possible to be a better lover between the sheets.
It happens only very rarely that you immediately have the same sexual language as your partner. Usually, you first need to get to know each other better and build trust for those phenomenal sexual encounters. And then you often have quite a bit of (sexual) baggage yourself. Just think of that one unpleasant event or the insecurities about your own body. Sex is usually not just sex, because there is much more to it. So it makes sense that there is still a lot to improve, even if the sex itself is good.
Sex therapist and psychologist Kelifern Pomeranz tells Oprah Daily (and if Oprah says it, then it's true) that there are quite a few options to improve your sex life a bit.
Pomeranz's first advice is: masturbate more. Okay, okay, she didn't say it exactly like that, but she calls it the pleasure of getting to know yourself. It's important to know what you enjoy, and you can only find out one way: by having sex with yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Once you have the connection with yourself down, it's important to talk to your partner about sex. That's usually not the first thing lovers are eager to jump into, because what if you say something painful, but it's actually important. To make it easier, Pomeranz suggests first naming what you enjoy, which is a good start to a conversation.
Sex with yourself, check. Talking with your partner, check. Now it's time to pull out the calendars. Wait, what? According to sex therapist Pomeranz, it's a myth that sex always has to be spontaneous. If you know you're going to have sex that morning, afternoon, or evening, then the foreplay often starts before that. A quickie during lunch is also a perfectly fine arrangement. Look, that already sounds a lot more fun.
These are just the things you can do in advance, but there's also plenty to fix during the moment itself. Ask your sex partner if they like something or guide their hand to a certain spot. Try something new between the sheets. And when you're having sex, try to stay focused on the act. Of course, you sometimes get distracted, but it helps to focus on your partner's scent, the feel of their skin, and the sounds. It makes the experience much more intense.
Happy humping y’all.
