20x what you think during a massage

Last night I booked a massage for myself and I was really looking forward to it. Lately, I have been feeling quite stressed, rushed, and have trouble finding peace. This seemed like the ideal solution. Well... It was terrible. Where I looked forward to a relaxing massage, I got a full marathon of half an hour long on my back. Really, people, if you exist, why do you enjoy it when someone walks on your back? I found nothing relaxing about it, it didn't help with my back and/or shoulder pain, and it was mainly a very uncomfortable feeling.

Even with the very best massages, it takes me a while to switch off my brain. Recognizable? Then you must have thought these things too.

1. Aaahh, it's happening. This is going to be enjoyable.

2. Oh no. What is this? Yes, my nose itches.

3. Let it go. Don't give in, focus on relaxation.

4. Oh no, is my head starting to itch now too?

5. Okay, I have to do something about this itch.

6. But will the masseur think that I'm not relaxed? Is that rude?

7. And why do I suddenly have a tickle in my throat?

8. Okay, okay. Itch away, tickle in my throat away. Now it's really time to relax.

9. ...How much time have I wasted with this nonsense? Has a quarter of an hour already passed?

10. I really need to enjoy more consciously, otherwise the hour will be over so quickly and my brain will have just gone wild.

11. And that's a shame, because this is seriously very nice.

12. Oh, I hear him/her walking to the oil... Don't be startled when you feel that on your back. You know it's coming.

13. DON'T BE STARTLED.

14. Yes, see, I get startled every time.

15. Okay, my back and my legs are done, time to turn over.

16. Would they do that exactly halfway? Half an hour on the back, half an hour on the front?

17. Because that means I'm already halfway and I'm still thinking way too much.

18. Maybe I should book two hours next time, this is going by way too fast.

19. Wait, what? Is my head already next? Oh nooo, then it's really over after this.

20. Was that seriously an hour? Pff, I have to go again.