8x Things you think during the worst hangover of your life

In the past, everything was better, at least: that is definitely the case when it comes to hangovers. I honestly can't imagine how I managed that back then. Going through the noise every day of the week and then showing up for work at half past eight the next morning. I worked then — during my student days — in the hospitality industry. A pub (even though it sometimes called itself a ‘brasserie’ but it actually deserves too much credit for that) that was open from early morning until late at night. I worked there about four to five days a week and averaged quite a few shots, shots, and/or mixed drinks every week. I seriously didn't call in sick even once because of a hangover.

And now? Now it sometimes seriously feels like I'm dying. Bit by bit, more of my life is fading away. Starting with my soul, which comes back to life for a brief moment when the UberEATS driver rings the bell. Yes, hangovers really do get worse as you get older. Do you remember that one hangover that was really next level intense and made all other hangovers seem insignificant? Then the following things will surely sound familiar.

1. There can be nothing else but groaning and moaning
I'm not the type of person who usually talks to themselves a lot or makes a lot of noise when I'm alone. But with that one hangover, suddenly there's a kind of groaning and moaning coming out as if my life depends on it. The first one comes a few seconds after waking up because then you already know: this is bad news. This is not going well at all. This combined with rubbing self-pity in your eyes and crawling to the couch.

2. Tears
The worst hangover of your life is not only physically heavy, it's also mentally taxing because you can't handle anything. Once, I wanted to take a shower and then I dropped my towel in the shower. Soaking wet. I had to grab a new towel and thus leave that shower ice cold. But because of that extreme hangover, all of these were way too many setbacks in a short period of time. So what do you do then? Tears. Crying as if your life depends on it. This can also happen because your UberEATS driver suddenly has an unexpected stop or because Netflix has an outage. Or because that streaming service has the audacity to ask ‘if you're still watching’. Crying. Immediately.

3. Googling if you can die from a hangover
All those sweat attacks, your heart rate seeming to go through the roof, intense headaches, and dehydrated hands; that can't be good, right? Haven't you drunk too much in your life that this was the proverbial and literal straw that broke the camel's back? That this means the end? Occasionally you try breathing exercises to calm down a bit, but still, you worry. Here, point two can come back around the corner because this is panic. You don't want to die yet. Who will miss you? Again: crying.

4. This time really making a promise to yourself that you will never drink that much again
And this time you really mean it because you never want to feel this way again. Your body is your own temple, so why do you take such terrible care of it again? It's just really bad for your health, so something needs to be done about it as soon as possible. But why did I not order a healthy smoothie, but a Big Mac meal? Okay, starting tomorrow I will really eat healthy, but right now my body craves salt and fat. McDonald's it is. But I do feel guilty about this calorie bomb. Again: crying.

5. Time for some self-reflection
And then the messages start pouring in. How you feel. That you had quite a wild time yesterday. Oh god, did I do something scandalous again? Did I sing ‘Jolene‘ and ’You Let Me Down‘ by Tino Martin for my ex who was also present? I definitely embarrassed myself again and of course, I suddenly had the urge to call and message everyone. Looking back at my history... Oh yes: also FaceTimed. What must they think of me? Yes, you can see it coming: again: crying.

6. A glimmer of hope
Maybe it was an extra aspirin, maybe it was just finding that right position on the couch or that heart rate that has finally dropped a bit, but maybe it will be okay again. In fact, maybe you'll survive today. Ah, those hangovers aren't so bad after all? Actually, you can even laugh about it again. If you stay in this phase, then it was probably just a regular hangover instead of the worst of your life. Because with those next level hangovers, this glimmer of hope is short-lived. The misery just comes back just as hard.

7. Counting down until you can go to bed
You already know that lying in bed all day is not good for your body, mood, and overall condition. So maybe you tried to take a shower, go for a walk (daredevil), or even make an omelet. But the only bright spot of the whole day is: tonight you can go to bed again. Then it's accepted that you're lying completely horizontal. And you just have to see this day as a lost day. And that's okay, those days happen. Your mental state becomes a bit more stable again. Just a little longer. Almost time for bed.

8. Overconfidence
You think you've learned from it. ‘Never again,’ you've told yourself so many times during this hellish day. But what does this stubborn alcoholic do? Yes, I think we all know that. Next week we'll just be in the same situation again. We will never learn.