The 7 lies we should never tell ourselves after a break-up
When I first watched the movie He's Just Not That Into You, a whole new world opened up for me. A (sad) celebration of recognition, because we tell ourselves so many lies when it comes to love. Why isn't that person texting back? And then you give yourself, and your surroundings happily join in, thousands of excuses why that person isn't reaching out but must be interested in you. While it's more often the rule than the exception: he or she is just not that into you.
We often tell ourselves these little lies during a break-up, according to Psychology Today, which spoke to several psychologists about this. And we really shouldn't do that anymore; according to the experts, we need to stop these 7 lies.
1. ‘My ex was the best’
No, your ex was not the best. Maybe not the worst either; but you absolutely should not romanticize your ex in your head. Your ex is just a person, with flaws, like everyone else. According to psychologists, we can better say: ‘my ex was very important to me at a certain point/a certain phase in my life, but they are not the best person in the world.’
2. ‘If my ex loved me more/really loved me, then our relationship would have worked’
The idea that loving someone ‘enough’ equals a successful relationship is long outdated. Love alone is often not enough. You also have other circumstances like timing, personal growth, and changes, all of which can have an impact.
3. ‘I will never get over my ex’
Time heals all wounds, and yes; even if the pain feels eternal, this too shall pass.
4. ‘I hate everything about my ex’
Just as you shouldn't glorify your ex, you also shouldn't just spew negativity about that person. It doesn't help you get over your break-up and only costs you bad energy. What we should say according to psychologists: ‘I'm struggling to remember positive things about my ex right now because I'm so hurt and angry about how this ended — but I'm working on letting go of my anger.’
5. ‘I will never find anyone better’
The saying ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ really applies here and this is also a waste of your energy.
6. ‘I can change my ex’
No, you can't. You may want to, but what other people do or how they are is ultimately up to them. And that can be frustrating, but it won't bring you anything. What we should say according to psychologists: ‘I wish my ex still wanted to be with me, but the reality is that this is not the case, and I can't change them if they don't want to. Instead, I focus on myself and on getting through this better.’
7. ‘We were meant for each other’
Whether you believe in soulmates or not; these are never phrases you should use. According to psychologists, you undermine your own ability to influence your life when you make these kinds of statements, because you imply that you belong together — and that it is meant to be. What you should say: ‘I really thought my ex would be my love for life — that we belonged together. But we are not together now, so at this moment we do not belong together. I will now live my life with that knowledge.’
