Dating

Definitely don’t do this if you get ghosted

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:000631#31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:00-12Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331 04pm31pm-31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:0012Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam2023312023Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +020015121510pmWednesday=9#!31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam10#10-04-2023#!31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:000631#/31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:00-12Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331#!31Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:15:06 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam10#

How tempting is it to send a message or two after it’s clear you’ve been ghosted? Or to make a bit of a fuss because your date clearly isn’t getting back to you and you feel slightly embarrassed? Honestly, if I got a euro for every time a date has figuratively left me out in the cold by disappearing, I could book a really nice vacation. And, unfortunately for me, if I also got a euro for every awkward action that followed, I would never have to work again. I don’t know what it is, but something in me just reacts so badly when you can’t even muster the decency to let someone know you’re not interested. I don’t know who raised these people, but as far as I’m concerned, they should come forward at the desk. Just so we can have a chat. Anyway, being ghosted is absolutely terrible, but please protect yourself by absolutely not doing the following things after your date has left without notice.

Doubting your self-worth
Ghosting says more about the ghoster themselves than about you. It’s hard not to take this personally, but it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other party’s lack of decency. So there’s no need to mourn this, because you don’t want to share a life with someone who can just leave, right?

Generalizing the situation
Even though it may not seem like it these days, there are plenty of people who wouldn’t even think of ghosting someone. Try not to let it get to you too much and whatever you do: don’t generalize the situation. It sometimes feels like all your future dates will disappear in an instant, but that’s not the case in reality. So don’t judge too quickly and give each new date a fresh chance.

Taking it personally
Especially if someone ghosts you very quickly. Of course, it still hurts, especially for people in the earlier stages of dating. Particularly if you’ve never met, ghosting can happen because someone has quickly realized that you’re not a match and doesn’t feel the need to justify themselves. Again: this says nothing about you and is never a personal rejection. You don’t know each other long enough for that.

Reaching out randomly
If you want clarity, do this by reaching out in a casual and neutral way. Sending multiple messages or calling countless times won’t help and will only push the person further away. You can always ask for clarity, but keep it subtle.

Stalking the other person’s social media
This will only make you deeply unhappy, and I firmly believe that the mute button was invented specifically for this situation. It’s a case of out of sight, out of mind: if you don’t have to see someone all the time, you’ll find that you can move on more quickly.

Source: Poosh