Relationship

#FML: ‘I dare not tell my partner that I do not want children’

By Amayzine | #!30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:004730#30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:00-2Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam202330 26pm30pm-30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:002Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam2023302023Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200002006pmMonday=9#!30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam6#06-26-2023#!30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:004730#\/30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:00-2Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam202330#!30Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:00:47 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam6#

Woman and man in bed, woman is awake with a large wedding ring on her finger

‘I have been happily married to Wouter for over five years. Our relationship is a model of harmony and is nearly perfect. We have experienced many adventures together and support each other in our personal growth. However, there is one crucial aspect of our lives where we are increasingly different: our desire for children.

Wouter has always had a huge desire for children. He often talks about it, dreams of parenthood, and his face lights up at the thought of a family. On the other hand, I have never felt the same passion for motherhood. I hoped that the desire would come with the years, but instead, I find that my desire for children is actually only getting smaller.

I’m not going to lie: it feels very strange. Shouldn’t I, as a woman, feel a bit more drawn to motherhood? When I see people walking with children, I am just very happy that I am going to a quiet, calm, and tidy home, knowing that I won’t be woken up by a crying baby. When I look at Wouter in such moments, I see him melting. I don’t understand what goes through his mind at that moment. Parenthood doesn’t seem that fun to me.

We often talk about it, although I try to avoid the subject as much as possible. It’s not that strange, of course; we are both 36 now, and at some point, it becomes a case of now or never. I dare not tell Wouter that I lean more towards the second option. Often, I respond lukewarmly and don’t reveal much about how I really feel about this. I feel so guilty because I know he wouldn’t be able to cope if there are never any children. I love him so much; that’s not the issue, but I can’t embrace the thought of parenthood like he does. I am really afraid of what will happen if he finds out that instead of mild doubt, I have a complete aversion to the idea of children.

Now I struggle with the question of whether I should be open about this or not. Should I share my feelings, knowing that this will irrevocably change the dynamics of our relationship? Should I give in to my own desires, knowing that it could crush Wouter’s hopes and dreams? Or should I remain silent, suppress my feelings, and maintain the facade of a future that I don’t see for myself?

It’s a dilemma that occupies my mind day and night. I want to be honest with Wouter, but I fear the consequences of my openness. Will our love be strong enough to withstand this challenge, or should I sacrifice my own needs for my partner’s happiness?’

Image: Netflix