Just chatting about episode 4 of Real Girls in the Jungle
Aahhh, I am zen. I just took a yoga class because my blood pressure went quite high during the previous episode. I can get so worked up about this. Grinding my teeth in front of the TV and then giving loud criticism. Or no, feedback, that sounds a bit more positive. And then afterwards discussing how brilliant it is that this program is back on the air. Because honestly: it is. Even though it’s complete anarchy. Enjoying.
1. ‘And yes, we have Kelly, but she gave birth a year ago and she has rheumatism.’ Sorry, very unfortunate for Kelly, but I found this sentence so random and funny.
2. Fabiola giving us a masterclass on how-to-make-money-with-my-feet in between. Is there going to be OnlyFeet after OnlyFans? Honestly, it’s quite easy to make money.
3. Of course, Michella thinks it’s absolutely nothing that Lena is the new team captain: ‘Woman walks like a man.’ Conveniently, Mrs. I-only-vote-for-myself forgot that she was screaming for two minutes that she wanted to go home and that those heights were all too much for her.
4. Just a little breathing exercise in between because I notice that I’m getting way too stressed about this.
5. Annabel vs. Kelly, in chorus: ‘I’m not doing this. Nope. Sorry. I’m really not doing it. I. AM. NOT. DOING. IT.’ This eating challenge really makes no sense with these participants. They would probably refuse overcooked pasta.
6. Except for Diva, who attacks as if they are just a few snacks. Those middle fingers. Mic drop. Match over.
7. Gaby is indeed the worst captain in the history of Dutch TV: ‘If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. We’re not going to win anyway.’ Thaaaat’s the spirit.
8. Is this now a fight over an egg, from a chicken’s butt, and noodles? Yes? You’d think that after such an eating challenge you’d appreciate everything… But that might be the case if you actually ate something from that challenge.
9. Do you remember how we were complaining at Expedition that just no one was sent home? Here they are leaving in droves. Next week the final. Go go.
10. Diva calling Janice ‘Jáánis’. That’s it. From now on it’s Jaanis and I refuse to believe anything else.
11. Michella: ‘Goddammit what a shitshow here you are all terrible this is the worst of my life get me out of here you bitches I will never participate again I think this is the worst EVER.’
Lena: *chooses Michella to skip a challenge*
Michella: ‘Goddamn what a bitch what ridiculous this is really incomprehensible all so unfair they are all against me again.’
13. And then also encouraging the other team. Aaahh. AAAARRRGGH. Fuck this Dry January. How can you get through an episode full of Michella sober? Can’t. Impossible. I’ll pour myself one. What am I saying? A pint. For my mental state.
14. That gives me this brilliant idea: I seriously think Michella would be much more relaxed if she had a glass of wine in her hand during the challenges, every recording moment, and actually just at any possible time of the day. Drunk Girls in the Jungle. Let’s go.
15. Diva: *does something nice for Channah*
Michelle: ‘And why isn’t it about me again?’
16. Put a number of celebrities on a deserted island à la Expedition Robinson and there will be tears, gratitude, beautiful conversations, special friendships, and renewed insights on life… Or send this group to Laos and they really won’t find it interesting and fight over who gets to go home.
17. And as a cherry on top, the presenter makes you cry.
Image: RTL, Jasper Suyk/Rob Jacobs Videoland
