The trick that will make sure you never have unnecessary arguments again

I was completely into Option B this summer, the book that Sheryl Sandberg wrote after her husband unexpectedly passed away and she didn't know what to do with her life. Because she eventually managed to keep living and even have fun and find love again, she wrote Option B together with a therapist, because we all ultimately lead some sort of Option B life where things don't quite turn out as you had planned. When I had three daughters, I also saw our life as a picture book. I bought the same Petit Bateau pajamas in three sizes, dark blue Ralph Lauren dresses, and learned on YouTube how to braid their beautiful, thick hair (they had that too) into perfect braids. But life doesn't let itself be determined like that. Eventually, it turned out that my oldest daughter had autism and a significant intellectual disability on top of that. As a result: a rather isolated life and a lot of uncomfortable moments. Also a lot of beautiful ones, too. But not as I had imagined it. Anyway. For everyone living a version of Option B, this book is for you. There are a thousand things in it that I read aloud to my beloved when we were sitting next to each other on a beach bed, but I want to share this tip right away.

When her husband passed away, she established house rules with her children. For example, that they could always cry and ask for help. But one rule was the ‘double sorry’ principle. And it goes like this.

One person is angry because the other did something. He didn't indicate that he would be home an hour later, so he says sorry. And then the other says: ‘Sorry that I made such a big deal out of it. That was a bit exaggerated too.’

It sounds simple, but in a family relationship or in a friendship, this works great. ‘Sorry that you tripped over the bag I left lying in the hallway.’ ‘Sorry that I wasn't paying attention at all. I could have pushed it aside too.’

It's a small trick, but it makes the quarrelsome atmosphere that can arise in a close relationship just a bit nicer and smoother. You'll see: it works tremendously.

And PS: sorry for the unusually long intro to this article. So sorry.

And PPS: I'm kind of back after four long weeks of vacation. I still have two weeks to bridge with vacationing children and my special girl who now requires a lot of attention (I'm sharing it, because you feel like friends), but I'm trying to write every day. I've missed it.

Love, May

And if you still have time, take a look at this video about Sheryl Sandberg, I think she's amazing.