Quarterlife Diaries: ‘Since when are we suddenly almost all 30 plus?’

I am almost thirty. Yep, the big 3-0 has never been so close as it is now and even though I don't mind that at all, there are still a few things that occupy my mind at this stage of my life. You could call it a little quarterlife crisis. In Quarterlife Diaries, I will take you weekly through all the things I, as an almost 30-year-old, encounter. Mainly to vent my heart, but also to give everyone who is in the quarterlife boat with me a little encouragement. You are definitely not alone. This week: nostalgia.

Someone recently asked me an interesting question: ‘Do you live more in the past, the present, or the future?’ A thought-provoking one, because aren't we all mostly lived by the busy here and now, while at the same time only focused on what the future brings? Yet I must admit that, even though I would love to master the art of living in the now, I often find myself nostalgically reflecting on the past lately.

I had a fantastic childhood filled with a loving family who always cheered from the sidelines, a school where I felt at home, and friends with whom I pulled off quite a few pranks. I can still see us sitting at the picnic table right between our four houses, where we gathered almost every day. I don't remember exactly what we did there, except for one thing: we were mainly busy growing up as quickly as possible. A shame, because now that we are grown up, I would give anything to spend just one more day in the skin of my 17-year-old self. In the words of 90’s icon Alanis Morrisette: isn't it ironic?

I don't know where it comes from, getting older is just part of it and I realize now more than ever what a blessing it is that you are allowed to grow older. Yet I sometimes find it bizarre that one of those friends, whom I secretly had a huge crush on, is suddenly married with two daughters, that I haven't spoken to my best friend from back then in years, and since when are we suddenly all almost 30 plus?

In my heart, I am still that 17-year-old girl, with her awful highlights and questionable fashion choices (a moment of silence for everyone who had to dress themselves at the beginning of the 2000s seems appropriate here). With dreams reaching the ceiling and no idea how she was going to make them all come true (spoiler alert: she succeeded). So I would give anything to travel back in time to that famous picnic table, just to see how that girl is doing.

What would I do if I could sit there again? Probably not much more than what I was already doing then. I would hug my best friend tightly, enjoy the trivial conversations that seemed so important back then, and soak in the moment knowing that it wouldn't last forever, all without the rush to grow up as quickly as possible. You grow up naturally, but you can't get that picnic table back.