Body & Mind

Quarterlife Diaries: ‘I have one question: how could we party so much harder in the past than we do now?’

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:003931#31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:00-5Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331 23am31am-31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:005Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam2023312023Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200305307amSunday=9#!31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam7#07-23-2023#!31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:003931#/31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:00-5Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331#!31Sun, 23 Jul 2023 05:30:39 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam7#

sophie laughing in a pink dress with rose

In Quarterlife Diaries neem ik je wekelijks mee in alle dingen waar ik, als bijna 30-jarige, tegenaan loop. Om mijn hart te luchten vooral, maar ook om iedereen die samen met mij in het Quarterlife-bootje zit een hart onder de riem te steken. Je bent namelijk absoluut niet alleen. Deze week: hangxiety.

In the meantime, we can be honest with each other, right? After all, I've already shared a lot of personal things with you in this series. Because of that, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm not feeling great today. Yesterday, I was totally in my element and was dancing on a boat to hits from the 80s as if it were the last boat party ever. Super fun, of course, but unfortunately, I also drank as if it were the last boat party ever, and I can definitely feel that now.

That used to be different. Back then, I would go straight from school to the pub on Fridays, dump my backpack behind the bar, and drink pints of beer for €2.50 (long live the prices of 2014), only to sit fresh in class on Monday after a whole weekend with just five hours of sleep. I have one question: HOW. THEN? At this age, I only have to look at a glass of wine and I can already feel the air above my head darkening with the clouds of hangxiety that follow the next morning.

The all-knowing oracle called the internet describes hangxiety as a combination of hangover and anxiety: a mental hangover that goes much further than just hanging over a bucket with an alcohol haze around you. With hangxiety, you not only suffer from nausea, but you are also overwhelmed by anxiety, excessive worrying, or even panic attacks. The fact that this can suddenly arise at the respectable age of 30+ is not mentioned. Still, I can't remember ever feeling this way before. Back then, I was always more than okay again around noon; now you can cautiously ask me how I'm doing in three to five working days.

I'm not exaggerating, I really feel extremely awful. My head and muscles hurt, I have a strange feeling in my stomach and back from standing for so long (my step counter counts over 17,000 steps), I'm nauseous and hungry at the same time, and I'm surrounded by a strange feeling of impending doom and panic while I wonder: why do we do this to ourselves every time?

The only solution is to stop drinking, I fear. And even though I've already said at least five times today that I'll never touch a glass of alcohol again, I probably will find a straw next week so I can pour a glass of rosé down my throat without using my hands. For now, I'll just stay very quiet in the corner with my laptop, my bottle of water, and my emotional support fan, while I really hope this will be over by tomorrow.