Love & Sex

These are the steps you need to take to end your relationship respectfully

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:000431#31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:00-7Europe\/Amsterdam3131Europe\/Amsterdam202331 08am31am-31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:007Europe\/Amsterdam3131Europe\/Amsterdam2023312023Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200307307amSaturday=9#!31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam7#07-08-2023#!31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:000431#\/31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:00-7Europe\/Amsterdam3131Europe\/Amsterdam202331#!31Sat, 08 Jul 2023 07:30:04 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam7#

I still remember exactly what went through my mind when I wanted to break up with someone for the first time. A strange cocktail of sadness, tension, and relief surged through my body, and although I fully supported the idea, I had no idea how to approach it. How do you tell someone who still very much wants to continue with you that you no longer feel the same way? I handled it quite awkwardly and shared my doubts without really making the decision. As if I was slowly peeling the biggest band-aid in the world off his arm. I comfort myself with the fact that I was not yet 18 and had no idea how it should be done, but now, 12 years later, I am thankfully wiser. Although I hope to never have to use my newfound knowledge, this is truly the most respectful way to end your relationship.

1. Communication and transparency
According to therapist Beth Gulotta, open communication is the key to ending your relationship kindly (as far as that is possible). This can be scary, but your partner deserves to be spoken to with compassion and respect.

2. It’s not a one-way street
While it may be easier for you to have your say and leave without looking back, a breakup is not a one-way street. Make space for your partner's feelings and questions, even if you don't feel the need for that yourself. Remember: for you, this is already a done deal where you have given yourself all the time to think it through, for your partner, this probably comes out of nowhere.

3. Be vulnerable and clear
No matter how difficult it is, you owe your partner the truth. Explain why you are ending the relationship and don’t beat around the bush. There is one thing worse than hurting someone with a breakup, and that is giving the other person false hope. The clearer you are, the better. If you find this difficult, you can start by explaining how valuable the relationship was to you and why it no longer feels that way.

4. Set clear boundaries and expectations
Don’t leave the door ajar if you’ve actually decided to close it behind you. No one benefits from stumbling through half-heartedly, and it makes walking your own path very difficult. Communicate how you see the upcoming period and stick to it.

5. DO NOT. GHOST.
Yes, this needed to be in capital letters. I am a mega anti-ghoster, especially when it comes to someone with whom you have shared a deep connection. Gulotta agrees with me and says the following about it: ‘Ghosting is incredibly hurtful, confusing, and damaging. Ultimately, it causes more stress and hurt feelings for both parties because the person being ghosted doesn’t understand what’s happening, and the ghoster is irritated because the other person can’t let go.’

6. Never over the phone
Yes, hello, could the person who has ever done this please come forward at the desk? We have unanimously voted you off the island. You are about to break someone’s heart, so the least you can do is meet in person so you can hear each other’s voices and see each other’s body language.

7. Take the time to process everything
Just because you are the one making the step to end your relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be sad. Take the time for yourself to process everything and don’t be too hard on yourself. You got this.

Source: Poosh