Why you should stop dating your usual type
‘It’s hard to believe. If you were to line up all your exes, they would look like brothers,’ my mother always said to me when I showed up with a new conquest. I’ve been off the market for a while now, but during my single days, I knew exactly what I was looking for. They had to be tall, have dark hair, eyes you could drown in, and I always found a little beard quite charming. I always called them real men. In terms of appearance, that is, because their personalities often left something to be desired. I soon discovered that all the men I found incredibly attractive were all members of the fear of commitment club. So it was a good idea to look outside my usual type. According to psychologists and relationship experts, this is the best thing you can do when looking for love.
Why we have a type
To understand how that works, it’s helpful to first grasp why we actually have a type. For some people, having a type in mind can make the dating process more efficient and smoother. Types are often based on existing knowledge and encounters, which can be explained evolutionarily, says Krista Jordan, a therapist at Choose Therapy, because familiar traits feel more reliable. This usually happens without conscious intent, but it helps people quickly identify attractive traits in a potential partner and determine where they want to invest their time while dating.
Why ‘untyping’ is a good idea
There are a few reasons why it’s a good idea to look beyond your usual type. Letting go of your type can be wise if you notice that repeating old patterns leads to unhealthy relationships. It’s not necessary to choose the complete opposite of your type, but being a little less blind to what you normally fall for can already provide the following benefits.
1. You enjoy different kinds of connections
If you only focus on one type, you miss out on so many unique and beautiful connections. This can be on a social, emotional, and even sexual level. Having diverse experiences can also be much more authentic, as you’re not so focused on all the things that usually make you swoon. Instead, you can just enjoy the moment and form an honest opinion.
2. You learn more about yourself and what you like
The larger your dating pool, the greater the chance that you learn something about yourself. If you keep fishing from the same pond and expect a different outcome each time, you could fish until you weigh a ton. Try venturing into other waters and discover what else you like, while increasingly discovering what you actually have to offer in a relationship. I often had boyfriends who kept me small. I found that ‘I’ll take care of it’ mentality extremely attractive until I discovered that I also have a voice and an opinion. I would never have realized that if I had kept going for the same type over and over.
3. You break relationship patterns that don’t work
Looking critically at your type can promote healthier relationships. If all your exes, for example, had a trait you didn’t like that made you incompatible, why would you continue pursuing other people with those same personality traits?
Source: Well and Good
