The 6 different phases of a marriage

About half of all marriages end in divorce, and I believe that this is only increasing over the years. But why? Psychologists think they know the answer: it all comes down to expectations. Often people think (or hope?) they can stay in the first phase of marriage, where you are still madly in love with each other and can't keep your hands off each other.

But unfortunately, that is not a reality, because that phase passes. And the phase after that too. And the one after that... Also. According to psychologists, there are six phases in a marriage, and here they are.

1. The loving relationship
Also known as the honeymoon phase or the white bread weeks. You are head over heels in love with each other, want to be together all the time, and do everything to make the other happy, and you do this with pleasure.

2. The honeymoon phase is over
Here you may have to deal with disappointment, because one of the two has started to put in less effort. At first, you did everything for each other, but that slowly fades, while you would prefer it to remain that way. The most important thing is to keep communicating well about this, even if you are disappointed in the other and feel that they should put in more effort.

3. The equalizing
When you don't do that, that disappointment can turn into contempt and anger, and you want to show that. Therefore, you start to act like your partner: to get back at them and because ‘it then stands equal’. This is a phase of a lot of arguing, probably about things where you feel a lack of control or respect from the other.

4. Holding on
When all the arguments have faded a bit, you are both exhausted, especially emotionally. You are tired and no longer feel like thinking about your relationship. Do you want to separate or do you want to keep trying? You don't know for a moment, you just want peace. The only thing you do know in this phase is that you have entered into a bond (the marriage) and that you are not going to let that go easily.

5. Doing your own thing
You come a bit closer to each other again and realize that as partners you cannot continuously meet each other's desires and expectations, but that you are also responsible for your own happiness. Therefore, you start doing more things for yourself, which gives you more self-confidence. You start to feel better in your skin and have more realistic expectations of your marriage.

6. Maturing
This is the last phase, where you finally learn to communicate well with each other and also learn to take responsibilities. That also means facing your own shortcomings; what can you do better in the relationship where you may have gone wrong? You acknowledge that you have hurt the other. If you get through this phase together, the chance is very high that you will stay together for the rest of your lives.

Source: PsychologyToday, Image: @victoriabeckham