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These are the absolute no-go's at weddings

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:000831#31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:00-10Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331 03am31am-31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:0010Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam2023312023Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +02004510455amWednesday=9#!31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam5#05-03-2023#!31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:000831#/31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:00-10Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331#!31Wed, 03 May 2023 10:45:08 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam5#

I love weddings. For years I've been dreaming away at shows like Say Yes To The Dress and even though I don't plan to participate, I can intensely enjoy the extreme awkwardness of Married At First Sight. What can I say? I'm a sucker for love, the dreamy white dresses, and who can say no to a party where everything revolves around you (and okay, a little around your partner) for one day? Not me.

Although I haven't reached that station of love yet, I have been a guest at several weddings over the past years, which has allowed me to build quite a nice to-don't list when it comes to how you should behave at a wedding. Where I thought all these things undoubtedly were part of everyone's general development, I was just as wrong as when I was convinced that Wilfred and François from the previous season of MAFS would stay together. So one more time, for the people with the budget cards in the back: these are the absolute no-go's at weddings. Are you writing this down?

Wearing white
That this even needs to be mentioned is scandalous. Yet it happened recently at a wedding where I was a guest. Dressed in a coral-colored jumpsuit that I bought years ago in the Zara sale because it would surely come in handy someday (the number 1 excuse I use to justify irresponsible purchases to myself, but hey, I wore it), I entered the party hall where my jaw dropped in amazement when I encountered not the bride, but a random guest in a pure white gown. Well, it did have flowers on it, I must admit, but still oh so inappropriate. This no-go is not on number 1 for nothing: just don't do it.

Getting too drunk
The elasticity of the blessing and the curse that an open bar is is richly tested at every wedding I attend. While it is very generous of the couple to not make anyone pay for their drinks, and I honestly find that quite chic, it can also be a dangerous choice that not everyone can handle well. The result? Embarrassingly drunk, stumbling, and sweating people in a sea of children and grandparents, and in some cases a real beer shower (yes, I have actually experienced this once). That's not so chic.

Embarrassing speeches
We know it: you have a special bond with the bride or groom and you want everyone to know what adventures you have experienced together in wilder times. While it may be good for your ego to make the other guests laugh with some extremely classified facts, some bachelor adventures do not need to see the light of day. Really, no one needs to know about that time the bride was so drunk that she peed her pants from laughing and had to waddle out of Leidseplein, especially not on the most beautiful day of her life. It's a wedding, not a Comedy Central Roast.

Posting photos of the couple before they have done so themselves
In a time when we are all chronically online, we do love a scoop. But the couple has spent a fortune on their clothing, hair, makeup, and a photographer for a reason, so please don't throw a spanner in the works by revealing their looks on social media before they have done so themselves. All you achieve is a few likes from Aunt Suzan and a rightly irritated bride. No matter how tempting it is, let this potential viral moment pass quietly. Or better yet: keep that phone in your bag and enjoy the day, or am I saying something very crazy?