The 7 things you should NOT say to someone with endometriosis
For one in ten women in the Netherlands, endometriosis is a monthly struggle. Or rather, a struggle? It is more of a major problem. For those who are not yet familiar with it: endometriosis is a chronic condition where tissue that resembles the uterine lining is found outside the uterus. When your period starts, you bleed not only from your uterus but also from other places in your body. It sounds terrible, and it is. And I can know this because I am one of those ten women. It started when I was thirteen, and only six years later did I hear in the chair at the gynecologist that it turned out to be endometriosis. Why did this take so long? I was never taken seriously. Not by doctors, not by friends, not by colleagues. Everyone thought I shouldn't ‘make a fuss’ when I was once again lying in a fetal position on the bed with tears streaming down my face. And time and again, I received the same kind of comments thrown at me that really get under my skin. So here it is: the seven things you absolutely should not say to someone with endometriosis.
1. ‘Just take two paracetamol and you'll be fine.’
The endo cramps are often compared to the contractions of a pregnant woman. You wouldn't tell them that a paracetamol will ease the pain, would you? Even if we take five, it's just not strong enough.
2. ‘Aren't you just exaggerating for attention?’
If you really want to make us angry – which is not very difficult during our period – you should pick this one. No, we are not exaggerating by fainting from the pain. And we certainly are not throwing up for the story.
3. ‘Have you ever tried a hot water bottle?’
Sure, a hot water bottle is lovely to have during that time of the month, but if you have endometriosis, it unfortunately won't reduce the pain, no matter how much we wish it would. Only with a strip of Aleve Féminax do we get through the day with blood, sweat, and tears (literally).
4. ‘Oh, so you can't have children?’
It is now widely known that endometriosis can be a cause of infertility, but that doesn't mean it is the case for everyone. About 60 to 70 percent of women with endometriosis are indeed fertile and can become pregnant spontaneously. And anyway, the question itself is already rude. Who says something like that? You might just say it to the wrong person.
5. ‘Have you tried a diet?’
Believe me, we have tried EVERYTHING. This too. And of course, a diet works for some, but not for everyone. The only thing that can actually remove all complaints is surgery. And even with one surgery, it is often still not enough.
6. ‘Don't you just have a low pain threshold?’
It is so frustrating to hear this every time. Even doctors and physicians say this. Women with endometriosis are often not taken seriously, and comments like this certainly contribute to that. Please stop this. If you don't know how it feels, you might as well just keep your mouth shut.
7. ‘Why do you have to call in sick every month?’
Believe me: we would choose a long stressful workday from eight to five over our menstrual cramps every day. But fine, if your boss really wants you to come to the office: fine. Then that person shouldn't be surprised if you turn pale every five minutes and sprint to the bathroom.
