Toxic positivity: when being positive becomes unhealthy
Let's be honest: even though it's nice to complain every now and then, it's not very pleasant to be constantly surrounded by people who radiate a lot of negativity. It's logical that if you often have negative people around you, you want to be extra positive in life. However, that's not always a good idea. Besides the fact that complaining is actually very healthy having too much positivity can turn into an unhealthy phenomenon: toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity, or in Dutch toxic positivity, is the constant desire to maintain positivity, even at times when it is not appropriate. While positive thinking is generally very nice, toxic positivity is not. It is the denial that something negative is actually happening and it can make the people around you feel bad because they have normal, human emotions. An example of toxic positivity is statements like: ‘everything happens for a reason’ or: ‘just look on the bright side’ when someone shares something difficult they are dealing with, without acknowledging these difficult moments.
Do you recognize yourself in this? Then it's wise to dial back your positivity a bit and make room for other emotions. Toxic positivity can cause the people around you to feel unheard and therefore be less inclined to share certain things with you, which can affect your relationships with these people. Not very healthy, then. Fortunately, you can easily do something about it. Start by identifying the underlying reason for your eternal positivity. Are you, for example, afraid of conflict? Do you lack confidence in your problem-solving skills? Do you believe that certain emotions like anger or sadness are bad?
Understanding why you do this will help you develop the skills you need to change. Keeping a journal can also be a good way to build awareness of things you would otherwise push aside. If you keep a journal for at least five minutes every day, it will help you register the good and the bad in life. This way, you will notice that everything in life has two sides, which gives you a lot more empathy for yourself and the people around you.
Are you struggling with someone in your life who is stuck in toxic positivity? Then you can try to indicate that you are concerned because that positivity seems to deny negative emotions. You can then let them know that you are saying this only because you are afraid that they are dealing with emotions in an unhealthy way. Try to bring up a few examples of moments when you noticed this so that the other person realizes that you are actually onto something instead of immediately labeling a random statement as toxic positivity. Although it can be difficult to address someone about this, it is worth opening the conversation to better understand each other and perhaps discover a deeper layer of your friendship.
Source: Verywell Mind
