Body & Mind

For when you have to miss someone at Christmas

By Adeline Mans | #!31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:002031#31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:00-1Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202431 24pm31pm-31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:001Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam2024312024Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +01001611612pmTuesday=9#!31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:00Europe/Amsterdam12#12-24-2024#!31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:002031#/31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:00-1Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202431#!31Tue, 24 Dec 2024 13:16:20 +0100+01:00Europe/Amsterdam12#

You can plan Christmas well in advance, but it's never completely certain that you'll celebrate it the way you had in mind. Because what if someone suddenly isn't there anymore?

Of course you have an influence on what kind of baked goods you conjure from an oven. Yes, Pinterest offers a million suggestions on how to set your table in a very trendy way. And indeed, the agendas are drawn up early enough (read: summer) so that everyone can. Only sometimes life goes in such a way that you have to miss someone you love. And that makes everything different. Whether you are prepared for it or not.

All first times

Spending the holidays without an important person in your life makes the raw edge just a bit rawer. It hits you at the moment you least expect it. Tears while buttering the Christmas bread. Waking up alone on Boxing Day. The one person missing by the tree. Sometimes it hits you in the face even before it’s officially Christmas. When you see how people stroll together through shopping streets, watching a Christmas movie, or holding hands on the ice rink.

All those first times without someone you love so much, with whom you shared a life and thought you would do so for countless more years. Christmas without the person you love is simply tough (pardon my French). This weekend I saw something beautiful on Instagram by Jet van Nieuwkerk. With friends, she held an early Christmas dinner. In the middle of the table were candles. A candle for each parent who will not experience this Christmas. It touched me so much.

A candle for you

You cannot prepare yourself for that feeling. It just has to be there, there is no escaping it. Let your friends and family take care of you. Just accept that invitation for that Christmas breakfast. It softens the pain and the loss a bit, and they can do something for you. That is the most beautiful gift to give and receive.

And whether it’s that parent you have to miss or if your beloved suddenly is no longer your beloved, do as Jet and her friends do. To think of everything that was and to give it a special place this Christmas. I light two candles, one for me and one for the person you miss this year.