People who break up differ on these fundamental points
When a relationship ends, it is usually a sad event. And if a couple has been together for a long time, the surroundings are totally in shock because it probably comes out of the blue for them. The most frequently asked question is then ‘what happened?’ If the cause of the breakup is not infidelity, there is actually no answer to that question. Because then it is not about something that ‘happened’, but about other matters. Such as the two lovers differing fundamentally on key points, making it just not work anymore. This can happen after three months, but also after five years, or longer. It just depends on what it is about.
The way of communicate
It is always said: communication is the basis in a relationship. And if that doesn't go well, you're basically screwed. Do you like to discuss and resolve things in detail, while your partner is fine with just falling asleep in each other's arms after a fight without saying another word? That can cause friction. You will have to compromise, because this is one of the main reasons for breaking up a relationship.
Values and priorities
Maybe you know the saying: ‘Two beliefs on one pillow, the devil sleeps between them’. What is meant by that is that it is difficult to maintain a relationship between two people who have totally different values. It is not just about when you are, for example, Christian and have a relationship with someone who is Islamic. Even if you were not raised religiously, you have certain norms and values from your parents. For example, if you find family very important, but your partner prefers to keep them at a distance? Sorry, that won't last very long.
Money
How sad is it when your relationship ends because you have issues over money. It is not just about the stress that debts bring, which puts your relationship under pressure. It also happens when one of you has a hole in their hand and spends way too much money on clothes or groceries.
Intimacy
Do you really feel like it, but your lover's libido has dropped to zero? That is frustrating, and can even lead to infidelity for some. But it can also be about certain fantasies that do not seem so fantastic to both parties. Intimacy often plays an important role in a relationship, and can, besides the emotional bond, make the difference between ‘best friends’ or ‘lovers’.
Future plans
Between moving to Dubai and a Tiny house in the Veluwe lies a huge mountain that you need to bridge. ‘Ain't no Mountain high enough’ does not apply here, because if you can't agree on these kinds of points and no compromise is possible, it stops. And that can indeed only be after a few years, when the conversation about living together and having children suddenly needs to be held.
The 3 V's: connection, infidelity & trust
It goes without saying that infidelity is a huge blow to the relationship. With infidelity, you ensure that your great love no longer fully trusts you, which will lead to arguments. The V of connection is the third, because through the breach of trust from infidelity, you can also be driven further apart. Even if it was just once. But it is also about connection in terms of supporting each other and being there for one another. You don't always have to give advice or feedback on situations. Sometimes just listening and supporting is enough, but if that doesn't even work, there is actually no longer a healthy relationship to speak of.
