Here women do not leave their violent man
This is the expert's statement
Life has taught me not to judge. At least, not too quickly and certainly not about big matters. I have also found myself in a situation that I had condemned a year earlier. My love always puts it beautifully: you never know what two people share.
Friends who have been struggling in their marriage for years and still cannot or dare not take the step to separate. It is easy to say from the sidelines how they could better organize their lives, until you find yourself in such a situation.
Women who experience violence from their partner is also a topic where we quickly pull out the pointing finger. Because why do you stay with someone like that?
We tend to say: the first time my partner hits me, I'm gone. And yet, apparently, ‘we’ do not do it. We stay. In De Volkskrant, there was a huge article about Wim Hof, who allegedly systematically abused his ex-wife in 2012. The article was interspersed with reflections from a criminologist who broadened the story. One of the points that emerged in the story was indeed the question of why women, for heaven's sake, stay with their violent partner.
The most horrific story I ever read is that the pet of an abused woman is often kicked and beaten as well, to hurt the woman even more. My heart tears. Then you think as an outsider: run. Don’t walk.
But saying that is easy. Do we also offer someone a real escape plan? Or do we at most have lunch once a week with the damaged friend and leave it at that? Because according to criminologist Jane Monckton Smith, that is the reason many women do not take action. After studying hundreds of femicide cases, she concluded that the reason women do not leave is that they generally do not have a safe escape plan. Because will the violence stop if they leave, or might it get even worse? They are afraid of escalation and stay; dampening seems like a safer option.
So this also applies: don’t judge and try to help.
Do you suspect domestic violence or are you a victim of domestic violence? Contact Safe at Home.
