Is friendship really such a good basis for a relationship?

It sounds like something that only happens in movies; your best friend turns out to be your true love. Your ideal partner was right in front of you all along. But what if you really feel that way and want more than friendship? Do you then have the perfect foundation, or is the risk of ruining your bond too great? This is what experts say.

Not an easy process

Even if you both want to take the step, the transition won't be easy. The dynamic with a friend is of course very different than with a (potential) partner. You will now also discover each other in an intimate way. And to expose yourself, literally and figuratively, to someone who knows you so well and has seen you at your worst after a slightly too fun night out, is quite exciting. The fact that you already know each other well does save a lot of awkward ‘what are your hobbies’ conversations, but it can also lead to extra uncertainty. You probably know more about each other's dating history and what the other is looking for in a relationship and may wonder if you can offer that. And do you feel at the beginning that something is missing? According to relationship experts Brianne Hogan and Dr. Stan Tatkin, you don't need to worry about that either. When you meet someone new, hormones like dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and oxytocin are released, creating that feeling of excitement and attraction. If you have known the other person for a while, you won't notice these hormones or at least not as much. That doesn't mean your relationship can't develop into something.

How do you take that next step?

If you are sure you want more than friendship, there is one golden rule: be open and honest. It might be the most exciting conversation you will ever have, but if you don't express how you feel, you can be sure that nothing will ever change. Be careful not to completely overwhelm the other person with your declaration of love, but gently make it clear that you have feelings that you would like to explore. Of course, there is always a chance that the feeling is not mutual; that is painful, but it doesn't have to be the end of your friendship. If the foundation is good, you can definitely get through that with good conversations. But what if the other person also wants more, how do you proceed? Hogan and Dr. Tatkin have some tips.

1. Go on a first date
Even though you already know each other well and have probably done fun things together, dating with the intention of a date will likely feel very different. And dating is of course necessary to discover if a relationship could work. A low-key activity works best to not make it a big deal right away. For example, going for a drink somewhere.

2. Start joint projects and go out
If your house could use a makeover, it's actually good to tackle this together now. This way, you can discover how you handle these kinds of situations together and whether you make a good team. Working together also improves the support and trust that are very important in a relationship. In any case, it's good to do a lot together. The more different settings you explore together, the better you will know if you really fit together.

3. Keep talking
During your journey of discovery together, hundreds of ideas are probably swirling in your head. Again, that golden rule applies; keep talking. By occasionally expressing how you feel, you both know where you stand. This way, you can address stumbling blocks or decide to remain friends before it gets awkward.

4. Seek out that romance
To prevent you from slipping back into the friend zone, it's important to seek out that romance together. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but that's the case with every new partner. Take your time to discover what you both enjoy in the bedroom, but also outside of it. Whether or not to hold hands, or a kiss in public? Only by working on it together will you experience whether you are a match in that area. So feel free to spice up the otherwise quiet movie night a bit.

Good foundation or not?

According to Hogan, a friendship provides a sense of trust, support, and loyalty that is necessary for a successful relationship. If that is your foundation, your relationship will be much stronger in the long run, according to her. Even if the physical attraction diminishes, you still have that trust and respect that you share. And that makes the chance of giving up when things get tough much smaller. Dr. Tatkin and Hogan are also clearly in agreement on one thing: couples who start as friends can always fall back on the foundation of their friendship and thus have an advantage over other couples. So do you feel a bit more for that one friend? Then you can confidently take your chance.

Source: The Every Girl