Let's Talk: “Losing my parents is my biggest fear”
“Suddenly I realize that my parents will die one day.” I am sitting with my best friend in a coffee shop, where we are both drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte, even though the weather outside is beautiful. Especially for an autumn day. When we are together, the conversation can quickly shift from sex jokes to the most serious topics, always ending with fits of laughter about anything. But this topic is something you can't really put a funny spin on. When I think of good conversations that always make me feel better, I think of her. She always knows exactly the right advice to give me, to reassure me, and to make me laugh again. So when I want to talk, I call her. Fortunately, it works the other way around too; that's how we ended up here. We delve deeper into something that is one of the heaviest topics for many people: losing your parents.
It started with her father's illness: cancer was diagnosed and often surgeries and intense treatments follow. “I suddenly saw how vulnerable he was, that he is a human being, that things can happen to him too. I hadn't realized that before. They are your parents, it feels like they always have everything under control. But with an illness, that's different.” When her mother was then hit by a car, which also required her to undergo surgery, she realized even more how she always assumed her parents would manage. “Losing my parents is my biggest fear. And now they both suddenly needed help. It wasn't just physically difficult when they were both at home, but they also found it hard that they couldn't help each other.” This also placed more care on her shoulders. “They could do very little themselves. Even though they love to cook extensively, they couldn't muster the strength for it now. So I had to make sure they had enough food at home, that the house stayed tidy, and especially pay attention to their mood. Because for two people who enjoy life so much, it was really a huge shift that they suddenly found themselves in a tough spot together.”
Because her parents needed all that help, the realization also came that she would lose them one day. “Of course you know that, but as long as things are going well and everyone is healthy, you don't think about it that quickly. I was now really forced to consider a bad outcome. Fortunately, they both came through it well and are now stable again. Still, you can't just let it go that easily.” Such a situation also brings beautiful things with it: “I see that they are even more loving towards each other. They always had a very good relationship, but it's just a bit different now. That's hard to explain. We just really feel the relief that we are all still here. We are more often aware of that now.”
