The 4 things you should never do during an argument
We are all human and sometimes we argue, whether you are actually right or not. In fact, it is even good for your relationship to occasionally kick each other out of the tent. But there is of course a limit. To prevent things from being said that you will regret later, experts say there are four things you want to avoid at all times in the heat of the moment.
Avoid the words ‘never’ and ‘always’
Statements like ‘you always do this’ or ‘you never do this’ do not work in your favor when you want to address a specific problem. By using these words, you generalize the problem and bring in other issues that actually have nothing to do with it. The chance that the other person gets irritated and becomes defensive is then very high. It is unlikely that someone never cleans up or is always late. It is better to say that you find it unfortunate that they do not often clean up their things. This comes across much less harshly and in this way, there is room for a mature conversation where neither of you gets too emotional.
Do not involve other people
Remember that your frustration towards the other is something between the two of you. Stating that someone else agrees with you does not make it better. The other person will feel attacked and alone, which will inevitably lead to a new argument. Moreover, it shows that you have talked behind someone's back, which the other can use against you. In short: not a smart idea. Find a separate space with just the two of you and avoid unsolicited opinions from others.
Do not come with evidence
Do you really want to throw oil on the fire? Then especially come with evidence. Or rather, the advice is to leave that at home. Screenshots or other examples to prove that you are right may seem good, but remember that a productive discussion is not about winning or being right.
Never say ‘I didn't mean it that way’
These words feel like you are erasing something with an eraser over a permanent marker. By saying afterward that you didn't mean something, you worsen the situation because the other person will wonder why you said it in the first place. This keeps you going back and forth about the past instead of working on a solution for the future. That is the goal, right?
