The dragging situationship: this is how you put an end to it once and for all
It might be the most difficult topic in the realm of dating: the situationship. A situationship can sometimes last so long that it feels like you are in a relationship. And you can both be completely satisfied with the situation, yet you know somewhere that something is not right when you have been stuck in the same phase for so long. Apparently, something is off, and then it is important to reflect on yourself: what is the problem? And is it really that bad for me, or am I perhaps too critical? Eventually, there comes a moment when you will decide: am I going to put an end to this? If you have come to the conclusion that you need to leave the situationship behind, there are quite a few phases you will go through and steps you need to take before you are truly separated from each other.
Write down for yourself what the most important point is on which you differ
Is it about future vision, the way you approach life, how you treat each other, or trust? Then present that as a reason when you have a conversation with each other. It makes no sense to make long lists of examples where things went wrong. If someone asks for examples, you should especially not let yourself be provoked. You both know well which moments are meant, and it doesn't have to end in a quarrel, at least if you want to end it positively.
How are you going to discuss it? Over the phone or in real life? It also depends on how strong you feel. It is quite logical, if you have been in a situationship for a longer time, that you can be tempted to once again soften your heart when you see those puppy eyes looking at you and your lover finally says the things you want to hear. But don’t be fooled, this is also a form of love bombing: they know they are about to lose you, they will quickly try to patch things up for the short term, and after a few days, you are back to square one.
Ariana Grande sings for a reason: ‘We can’t be friends’.
A situationship can sometimes look very much like a bond that best friends have, but then also ‘with benefits’. For example, if you have been sharing joys and sorrows for two years, and talk to each other every day, it is not just the situationship that you are ‘breaking up’ with, but also a friendship that is being terminated. Super difficult, because that is also the case with a ‘real’ relationship, only not everyone will acknowledge your sadness in that way when it was ‘just’ a situationship. The annoying thing about the situationship is that you are usually not intertwined in each other’s lives at all. You don’t know each other’s friends and haven’t met the family; it has always remained between the two of you. Therefore, it is unlikely that someone will ask you after 2 months how you feel about the breakup, except for your best friends, of course, who have been through all the ups and downs (and probably hoped for a long time that you would finally put an end to it, for the sake of your self-respect). But well, it will often be the case that you think: normally I would send him a message now because I want to tell him this, or I see this funny thing that we always laugh about together, but just don’t do it. Set boundaries for yourself and for the other. This way, you won’t unnecessarily pull each other back into the situationship. And very importantly: take time to heal. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are heartbroken. You can also point this out to your surroundings. There is a good chance they will understand better if you explain it a bit.
