The sexual fantasy that no one dares to speak aloud

Some fantasies are generally accepted and openly discussed, such as role-playing or certain erotic scenarios. But there is one type of fantasy that many people have, but almost no one dares to speak aloud: the fantasy of surrender and power play.

Yes, we are talking about handcuffs and blindfolds. BDSM, dominance and submission still surrounded by misunderstandings. People are afraid that their fantasies will not be seen as “normal”, making them reluctant to share them.

The fantasy of submission — in which one partner has control and the other completely surrenders and is dominated — can be an exciting idea for many people. But it is also a fantasy that is laden with cultural and societal stigmas. In a society where equality, autonomy, and mutual consent are central, the desire for submission or dominance can feel confusing. Especially if a man wants to be submissive. He suddenly wants to be ‘punished’. Or to be cared for by a hot ‘nurse’. Yes, we still accept role-playing. But surrendering to that other? That other who decides everything and takes strict control? We tend to find that a bit more private. And so we don't talk about it.

Especially when it gets a bit more extreme, like rooms full of sex toys and handcuffs and whips... Then we quickly pretend our nose is bleeding. Ssst. Nobody needs to know. And maybe that's not always so bad, keeping your mouth shut about it. After all, sex is also something between the two of you – or three or four – and it doesn't concern anyone else.