Single man reveals: this is what many women want right away during the first date
and no, they don't beat around the bush
Let me take you to a weekday evening on the terrace. Glass of wine in hand, the sun just creeping over the edge of the building, and across from me: old-time friend Timo. Single, late thirties, super charming and nonchalant. Exactly the man we all want. Just as I was about to ask how dating is going for him these days, he suddenly comes up with a story that seriously made me blink.
You wouldn't believe how many women immediately start talking about anal sex on the first date. Not only that, they also want to bring their toys along. He said it in a tone as if he had just discovered that the earth is actually flat. And me? Me too. This can't be true, right? I was sitting there, with my glass of rosé, one eyebrow somewhere halfway up my hairline.
Sexual preferences as an opening line
Let's be honest: we live in a time where sexuality is on the table like the dessert menu. And in a way, that's nice. No more shame, no more silence about desires, no sexual taboos that you only dare to bring up on date four or after the first sleepover. But according to Timo, we might have gone a bit overboard.
He told me that it happens to him more and more often that women during the first date, so even before the main course is on the table, start talking about their preference for anal sex. Sorry? Or that they already mention that they would like to have their satisfyer with them.
Is this the dating trend of now?
Yet it turns out he is not the only one. A quick dive into TikTok, Reddit, and dating forums teaches me: openly talking about sexual preferences during the first date has become completely normal for more and more people. Especially Gen Z – raised with body positivity, sexual freedom, and influencers unboxing their latest toy in a GRWM video – has no interest in pretending for weeks.
And that makes sense in a way. Because why would you date someone if your sexual preferences completely clash? Why hide your favorite toy if it's part of who you are? Yet sometimes something seems to be missing… something exciting. Something subtle. Everything is immediately clear, nothing more to discover or grow towards. Something of the mysterious that belongs to flirting. Just my opinion…
‘Can I still just kiss?’
I felt a bit prudish the other day, said Timo. Because I just wanted to start with kissing. Without immediately bringing up an inflatable dildo or strap-on. Although I had to laugh about it, because yes I think in pictures, I understood it too. Because however nice that sexual openness may be, the thrill of discovery is also what makes it fun.
That moment when you slowly feel what the other likes. The conversations where it gradually comes out. Not out of prudishness, but out of curiosity. Besides, if this is the trend, what will be expected of me in the future?
The balance between openness and mystery
The moral of the story? Discussing sexuality on the first date is allowed. Even encouraged. But it doesn't have to be at level 100 when you barely know each other, in fact on the first date!! The question is not whether it's wrong, but when it feels right for YOU. And whether it fits the energy between you.
Or, as Timo put it half-laughing: At least give me until date four or five. Maybe even six if we first go out for a nice dinner.”
Conclusion: yes to openness, no to haste
So ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between: feel free to talk about your sex toys, your preferences, and your taboo-breaking desires. But also feel free to just ask if someone is a cat or dog person. Because sometimes that says just as much about someone's vibe.
And if anal sex really is the new holding hands? Then I hope we at least still dare to hold each other's hands before the rest comes to the table…..
If you don't mind, I'll just stick to simple loving sex for now. For all the women who also don't have this wish, please set your boundaries. What one wants doesn't necessarily mean the other has to want it too.
Read here: How to say no to sex.
Read here: Why solo sex is the key to an amazing sex life
