About masturbating mayor Koen Schuiling

In the category of remarkable news, we present to you today the masturbating mayor. The man, according to a witness, gave a little wiggle to his genitals in his car. And he specifically turned on the light for the spectators.

First things first. Let's not complicate things about masturbating, that's the most normal thing in the world. But it's just like cutting your toenails, it does depend a bit on the crime scene. Indoors? No problem (haha). In public? Punishable. Therefore, I would always say: choose wisely. But that's beside the point, folks.

Massaging a.k.a. masturbating
Who, what, where, and when, you naturally want to know. It's about former mayor Koen Schuiling of Groningen. He decided to open his pants in his stationary car in a parking lot around eleven o'clock in the evening on March 25, 2024, and put his hand inside. To see everything a bit better, he turned on the interior light of the vehicle. An unsuspecting passerby noticed this and labeled the incident as masturbation. The fact that the light was also turned on was seen by the passerby as a sign that the then-mayor wanted to be seen.

Then the side of former mayor Schuiling. He naturally preferred that this whole process took place behind closed doors. We understand, but the judge rejected that request. Still, he does not shy away from the courtroom, as he claims it was a medical procedure. Schuiling states that he was massaging away a ‘sudden severe stomach pain’ that evening.

Masturbating driver
The mayor in question is either very smart or telling the truth. Why else would you want to enlighten yourself in a courtroom under the watchful eye of all of the Netherlands? Paying a fine means admitting guilt, and that's exactly what the former mayor does not want. He is still happily working at 66 years old. A confession means that Schuiling will forever go down in history as the masturbating mayor, and that's not something you want as an official. It then becomes quite difficult to do your job.

On the other hand, how many observations do you need to get a conviction? Did the witness need to rally a bunch of colleagues to be sure that the former mayor did what he did? Just to discuss together to rule it out completely. I can see it now. Pietje: “Do we call this a medical procedure or is it really masturbation?” Grace: “It's definitely precise work, but I would say masturbation.” Ali: “But he is moving his hand over his stomach.” I find it difficult.

Normally, I would always say ‘first see then believe’, but that apparently doesn't matter in this case. And is that mayor a mastermind or innocent? The judge ruled; a fine of €250,-