Noor is on a dating app: “What do they mean by sex positivity??”

On a Sunday morning scrolling in bed, I thought it was time to dip my toe into the dating pool. For the first time in my long life, I downloaded a dating app. I was terrified that someone would actually want to book a date with me. But it’s nice to know if you’re still a bit desirable. And I was indeed desirable.

After an hour, I was almost hyperventilating from the number of likes pouring in. It’s good for your ego, but what now? Dating? I swiped left frantically to ensure that the matches didn’t come in. Until I dared to explore a certain gentleman a bit further. And a second one. A bit of fun chatting, but that was about it.

Sexpositivity-what?

With friends around me and after a few glasses of wine, I always dare more, so I opened the app again to great applause from two of my besties. And what do I see there? A rather appetizing potential date. Nice smile, a dog, sentences without spelling mistakes, he checked all the boxes. Only suddenly, under his preferences, it said ‘sex positivity’. What in the world is that?

Forgive me, but the term ‘sex positivity’ gives me confusing thoughts. I’m generally quite positive about sex, but god – what are you getting yourself into? Does someone like that want to do it all day long?Are they afraid they’ll never get enough? Should you maybe be ready for a first date? Instead of swiping, I decided to consult our good friend Google.

The right to pleasure

‘What is sex positivity’, I typed into the search bar. I was already afraid I’d pull all sorts of filthy material directly onto my phone, but it wasn’t too bad. First, there was a very clear explanation from Women’s Health: “When you are sex positive, you believe that everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality, has the right to experience pleasure on their own terms.” Okay, okay, I can agree with that. I wholeheartedly wish everyone a good romp every now and then. But does it (haha) cover the meaning on a dating app?

If someone has ‘sex positivity’ as an interest or preference, it doesn’t have to be something to be scared of. At least that’s what my thorough research shows. It mainly means that someone is very open about sex because it’s a natural thing. Additionally, it could be that the person in question likes to discover new things in that area. However, there are also stories that it’s indicated as a preference on (for example) Bumble to show that the person enjoys a lot of sex. One person translates it as a love for kinky activities between the sheets, while another sees it as a sign that there should be some action on a first date. So, there isn’t a clear-cut answer yet.

The advice I often read is that it doesn’t have to be a red flag, but that you should mainly gauge this from the chat with someone. Hmmm… I do everything in the name of research, of course, so I just swiped right once. And what do you think? It was a match, so keep you posted.