We are in a performative male epidemic
In a what? Uh, let me rewind. I have someone to introduce to you: the performative male. He is in his natural habitat, aka a café, terrace, or trendy sandwich shop, with a well-known green drink in his hand. While he sips on that matcha, he is deeply engrossed in a classic like Wuthering Heights or The Picture of Dorian Gray. Hanging from the chair opposite him is a canvas tote bag, filled with fresh flowers or a new load of vintage clothing. Whatever he is wearing: baggy pants, slacks, or jeans, with a loose t-shirt. Preferably with a female artist on it. Sound familiar? Then you've encountered one in the wild. Can you see yourself swiping right? Then I must warn you, because this is not just any guy, but a trendy act.
Where does that matcha-drinking, curly-haired performative male come from?
That guy flooding the coffee shops didn't just magically appear. We grew him ourselves. He started as a soft ‘written by a woman‘ man. A man who was the complete opposite of the men mostly found in the streets: sensitive, loves women ’as they are‘ (hello Mark Darcy), and behaves respectfully. A guy who drops you off nicely in front of your house, gives you a kiss on the cheek, and says exactly what you want. That ideal image had been a dream for years, especially in novels – but there he was. These ’soft boys‘ have now taken on a new form: that of the emotionally intelligent and stylish man.
You can recognize them by the fact that they are ‘different’. They listen to underground artists, carry a vintage camera with rolls of film, and look like they've stepped out of a fashion magazine. That's very tempting, such a man. Because honestly: who wouldn't want that? A man who knows what he's talking about, someone who reads books, who is sensitive and understands how your love language works – a guy who finally gets you. I'm almost swooning in my chair, because even for me, this seems like the perfect picture. But behind all these green flags lies a dark secret: they are fake.
How is the performative male fake?
Of course, not every man with style who can talk about feelings is fake. There are still real diamonds among them, but in this digital age, men have learned new habits. Habits to win over women: knowing exactly what to say at what moment, which book to pull out, or which leather jacket to wear to get attention. They want to do everything to be liked, so they just follow what we want the most, but in most cases, this is not authentic. They are changing themselves.
Actually, they don't really like matcha, or those old wired apple earbuds? They just fished them out of the junk bin hoping someone on the street would ask what they're listening to. They do this to gain more attention and social validation. So yes, the ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ has a new personality: the super confident, all-knowing evolved man.
Why are we in an ‘epidemic’ of performative males?
Look, for the single ladies among us: those men are everywhere. On every dating app, you see a man with curly hair ranting about which artists he thinks are great – and if you're lucky, you score the bonus with dog photos. While Tinder might still be a bit ‘more traditional’, you see these men more often on Bumble and Hinge.
And are they only online? No, not at all. Test it out and walk around. Especially in larger cities, you see them everywhere: at Waterstones or in independent bookstores, in thrift shops, at the IJhallen, in your favorite café. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and these sprinkles are among them.
That we are in a real ‘epidemic’ is clear, because we are already at such an advanced stage that we are making it ridiculous . Like in the song ‘Mr. Eclectic’ by Laufey, where she literally mocks this type. The term is now well-known and the men? You can spot them from thirty meters away.
The match of matches: the best performative male
Yes, we've had Timothée Chalamet lookalike and Pedro Pascal lookalike contests, but suddenly the performative male bomb exploded in Amsterdam. From all corners of the country they came: men in their baggy jeans. Fighting for the title: best performative male 2025.
@kay.l.i Everyone got the assignment @September 20, 2025 #performativemale #amsterdam #labubu #matcha #feminism
All the men had pulled out their best graphic tees, matcha lattes, funky sunglasses, and cardigans. The canvas bags were filled with LPs and the bookstores were drowning in revenue.
@graygolds lowkey every single straight man of Amsterdam could’ve participated in this lol
@die_booi Performative male contest Amsterdam was lit.
So people, you know what to watch out for. Does he spam his Letterboxd account? Is he ‘very progressive’ without you hearing anything of his own opinion, but just talks a lot? Does he buy Clairo LPs but secretly listens to Kanye West? Is his room drowning in all kinds of tote bags? Then you need to run – fast.
