Oops: this is how your relationship survives the 7-year crisis

I can already hear you thinking: “Is there another crisis that your relationship has to survive?” Yes, unfortunately there is. According to the internet at least. First there was the three-month dip, then the wonderful honeymoon phase that slowly fades away, and suddenly the infamous seven-year crisis pops up. You know it well: the moment when puppy love gives way to daily chores, a full laundry basket, and the question of who is going to take out the trash today. Apparently, this magical boundary is the make-or-break point for many couples. Don’t want to be part of this group? Then read on, because this is how you survive the seven-year itch.

What is the 7-year itch?

This low point in your relationship revolves around the moment you’ve been together for seven years. After so many years of sharing joys and sorrows, former lovebirds lose each other. Where you used to plan a date night date every week and binge-watch series together, it becomes difficult to make time for each other. Your job is busy, the house needs cleaning, and maybe there are even children involved: everything indicates that you’ve become more housemates than lovers. Well. It happens to the best of us, believe us. Just think of Mariah Carey and choreographer Bryan Tanaka. Or Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello. They too have fallen victim to the daily grind.

Although the whole internet suddenly talks about this ‘phenomenon’, it’s secretly not a new invention. The seven-year crisis originated more than seventy years ago. George Axelrod wrote a play with the same name in 1952. It’s about a married man who feels trapped in his marriage and daydreams about starting an affair. Exactly after seven years, doubts arise. The story was such a success that a film with Marilyn Monroe was released in 1955. Since then, the term has stuck.

Film term or not: I wondered something. Is this crisis a real phenomenon, or did only Marilyn Monroe as ‘The Girl’ suffer from a relationship that suddenly fell apart after seven years? A concept doesn’t necessarily mean that something is really so. There isn’t real research, but psychologist Adam Borland does know that many couples experience problems around this time. “After the honeymoon phase, problems often arise over time, such as poor communication, little empathy, and an unrealistic view of what you want. These issues arise from raising children and the stress of daily life. Due to these factors, you see differences in norms, values, and beliefs.”

This is how you survive the 7-year itch

Okay. After seven years, you’ve hit a low point. That can happen, but how do you climb out of it? It sounds difficult, but it’s actually quite simple:

1. Keep dating

Even if you’ve been together for years, those moments for each other are extremely important. Go for a spontaneous lunch or try to have a dinner without looking at your phone. You really don’t have to book a weekend to the Maldives to fall in love with each other again. Make things a bit cozier at home and it will come naturally.

2. Talk before it’s too late

A problem with many (married) couples is that they wait to discuss irritations until they have piled up. That’s really a shame, because such a small annoyance is much easier to solve than a big argument that arises from it.

3. Don’t expect your love to always stay the same

If you’ve known each other for years, it’s not strange if you don’t feel butterflies anymore. You’re used to each other; your nervous system doesn’t need to warn you about all the uncertainties anymore. Instead, those nervous feelings give way to trust, calm, and a strong bond. That may seem less exciting, but is ultimately much more valuable.

4. Stay curious

You might think after seven years that you know everything about the other person, but usually, that’s quite the opposite. A person is constantly changing. That pink shirt you thought was great three months ago, you might not like anymore now. Just imagine how much someone can change in seven years. So stay curious and make sure you remain interested in your partner.

5. Ask for help

Can’t figure it out on your own? Then couples therapy can be a good solution. It’s not about completely tearing each other down there, but rather about learning to talk calmly with each other. By not seeking help, you can drift further apart. You don’t understand what she means, and she doesn’t know how you will react. Take a deep breath and be open to help. Who knows, it might surprise you.

So this crisis is a bit of a myth. But do you believe in that too? Or does it matter to you as little as not walking under a ladder or having to knock on wood? Then you can just move on with these tips. Because yes, many couples deal with monotony. See this as a reminder that it’s not a big deal if things don’t always go smoothly. And if that seven years is approaching? Well… good luck.