Move over golden retriever: it's time for the black cat boyfriend
There was a time when the golden retriever boyfriend was the man everyone wanted: loyalty, always there for you, and a mega sweetheart. But now he's getting stiff competition from a very different type. Maybe it was The Summer I Turned Pretty's Conrad that opened our eyes, but the black cat boyfriend is now what we want. Mysterious, a little dark, and that's exactly what makes him so exciting.
What is a black cat boyfriend and how do you recognise him?
What did types like Conrad from ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty’ or Chuck from ‘Gossip Girl’ in common? They are mysterious, quiet and sometimes a tad sombre, but also emotional and protective. Exactly the characteristics of a black cat boyfriend, and actually the exact opposite of the golden retriever type. That mysterious vibe around them is often super sexy, but can also cause them to be misunderstood.
From the outside, a black cat boyfriend might seem aloof, not exactly the type for a romantic relationship; but nothing could be further from the truth. According to dating expert Michelle Herzog, these lovers are simply more selective with their attention and show affection in their own way; and that is precisely what makes them attractive. “Think of the man who is intensely loyal to his inner circle, but prefers to keep most people at arm's length. He is often quiet, observant, and has a magnetic attraction that makes you want to keep fathoming him,” says Herzog. Once his walls come down, you really see his emotional side.
With these types, don't expect excessive surprise dinners or a sweet message every hour. A black cat boyfriend shows his love in a different way, according to dating coach Grace Lee. “His love is not loud. It is quiet, gentle and thoughtful. He moves more slowly than most, but that is precisely what makes his affection meaningful. It's not performative or rushed, it comes from a conscious, sincere place.” Doesn't sound bad, does it? Perhaps the popularity of the black cat boyfriend also says something about what we crave now: less spectacle and biggest gestures, more emotional depth.
The pros and cons of a black cat boyfriend
In terms of sex appeal, the black cat boyfriend has already won out over the golden retriever, and that's not all. Their loyalty, intellectuality and depth also appeal to them. They tend to be creative, independent and do not lose themselves easily in a relationship. All points for the benefits list.
But... there are also some red flags into the mix. “The ‘mystery’ that seems so appealing may actually indicate poor communication skills or what therapists call an avoidant attachment style,” Herzog says. What we consider exciting is actually a way of avoiding vulnerability and responsibility in the relationship. The walls around a black cat boyfriend are often high, and if they don't come down, it's going to be hard to work. Once inside, you're often in the right place, but you have to get there first.
Until the time comes, you are often in great doubt. They don't release much, making it difficult for you to assess where you stand. Maybe he is mysterious, but it could also just be disinterest. A tricky assessment that can still sometimes cause a painful surprise.
Is a black cat boyfriend something for you?
The black cat boyfriend is becoming increasingly popular, but it is not for everyone. Are you someone who likes grand gestures and needs a lot of affirmation? Then this might not be your match. A black cat boyfriend won't act out easily and communication can be a thing. His mysterious nature can create insecurity, and you might feel short-changed.
Are you right for that slow burn and willing to work a little harder to make it happen? Then we say: shoot your shot! This type suits someone who doesn't need constant affirmation and is firm on her feet. It takes a bit more time, attention and trust in the silent signals, but if it works out, this is the perfect match. So look carefully at what you need and what fits with that. After all, there are dog and cat people, and the same is true in love.
Image: © Amazon Content Services LLC Source: Cosmopolitan, The Every Girl
