This reset your relationship could really use in January

A new year often begins the same way: with all kinds of good resolutions and a vision board full of plans. Is there anything you want to improve? More peace, perhaps? An extra day of exercising and spending more time in your relationship? Yes, self-improvement is an increasingly important topic, so it's not strange if you want to reflect this month and enter the new year with renewed courage. This applies not only to yourself but also to your relationship. Turn off that autopilot and think about how you can grow together. How do you do that? With these tips, you ‘reset’ and step out of the habits, making it feel like you're back in the honeymoon phase.

1. Say 'I love you' to each other every day

They may seem like three small words, but “I love you” is something you should say to each other more often. You know this about each other (because, well, why else would you still be together?), but it's important to actually say it out loud. It provides stability and confirms that you are still heading in the right direction. This keeps both of you confident in the relationship and prevents anyone from doubting or bottling up feelings.

2. Keep flirting!

Everyone wants to feel desired, right? Someone who chases after you, gives you compliments, makes you a nice coffee, and treats you like the beautiful person you are. Sorry not sorry, but I really don't want a partner who eventually feels like a roommate. I want love, passion, and flirting as if you just met each other. Everyone wants to be seen and appreciated, and that feeling remains when you keep flirting with each other. Compliment that new outfit. Make that extra cup of coffee without the other having to ask for it and surprise each other with a spontaneous make-out session. Get the lingerie out of the closet, cook for each other, kiss each other without it having to end up in bed immediately. Have a tickle fight – really anything you can think of. Keep it fun, create a little tension, and stay obsessed with each other. This is the secret to a long-lasting, good relationship.

3. Thank each other more often

Did you even say thank you last year? You probably didn't even realize it, but it's very easy to take things for granted and not make them special anymore. By not thanking each other, resentment can build up. The other person does everything for you, and you don't even say ‘thank you.’ Or the other way around, that can happen too. That's why it's essential that you keep thanking each other. It doesn't have to be all the time, but more often than now. This makes both of you feel more appreciated, and that ensures that everything in your relationship runs better.

4. Have a ‘check-in’ more often’

Many relationship problems arise from resentment. From bottling up problems and irritations. I understand that you don't want to put salt on everything, but it's really good to express issues. How else will they be resolved? Exactly: they won't. Unspoken problems cause the person who bottles everything up to feel angrier and angrier. Why don't you notice that you never take out the trash? And why doesn't your partner realize that they always talk over you, making you feel unseen? These feelings are certainly valid, but if you don't express them, you will grow apart. So make these things discussable. A regular ‘check-in’ can help with this, where you share these kinds of irritations. This way, you take each other into account and bottle nothing up.

5. Study each other

Now that you've been together for so long, it sometimes feels like you know each other inside out. That's nice, but people change. If you think you know everything and slowly show less interest in your partner, you will grow apart. What is that new hobby that he/she/they is so happy about? Are there new fantasies you want to explore? Just paying attention to everything the other person says can do a lot. By ‘getting to know’ each other again, you both feel that the other really wants to go for it. You see and appreciate each other – every piece, even the parts that change. Isn't that romantic?

6. Plan a regular date night

Are you watching B&B Winter vol Liefde on the couch every night? That can be cozy, but if you never go out together anymore, you start to neglect each other. You're no longer dating, but (ouch, this might hurt) living together with sex. Yes, you have to keep making an effort for each other, otherwise, you will lose each other. A regular date night is therefore a very good idea. And no, that doesn't mean going to the same Italian restaurant every Monday. Do fun things together: go out to eat, watch a movie, play glow-in-the-dark mini-golf, or drink wine in an underground jazz bar. Schedule it in. Choose one fixed day a week or a few moments a month when you keep dating.

7. Learn how to fight well with each other

No, I'm not talking about fighting each other. Screaming arguments are unnecessary, but expressing feelings and having discussions is actually healthy. Learn how to communicate with each other. Conflict is not bad, but learn to ‘argue’ without keeping score. Don't immediately go on the defensive and don't throw all the events from last month on the table. By fighting well, conflict can become a tool for growth together, instead of something that only causes damage.

8. Forget those little irritations

Of course, it's very normal to find each other annoying sometimes. Even after 22 years of love, there are irritations. Of course, you can say that you're fed up with the other always leaving their underwear on the floor, but also know where you want to spend your energy. Some things are better to let go. Focus on the positive sides – that's much more fun. Is it still gnawing at you? Then discuss it anyway.

9. Those health resolutions? You do them together

It's nice if you want to hit the gym every day and live on oatmeal and crackers, but if your partner is sitting on the couch every night with a bag of chips, that can clash. Setting goals together is much more fun. Then you have someone to work out with and try new recipes with. That motivates. Make it a game: who can stick to the longest workout or who makes the tastiest healthy cake? This way, the process becomes more enjoyable, and you have a stick behind the door.

10. Support each other loudly and clearly

Support is key in a good relationship. Everyone wants to feel supported. If you're going for a new job or picking up an old hobby, you want someone who says they're proud of you and believes in you. Someone who shouts from the rooftops how well you're doing and how great you look. Partners who are proud of you and show it to others are incredibly attractive. By supporting each other loudly, you show that you still choose each other.

11. Learn to be gentle and calm with each other

“Did you just say we need to learn to argue better?” Uh, yes, that's true, but even during arguments, it's important to be gentle with each other. We humans are not made of stone. Everything you say hits hard, so it's helpful to consider how something comes across to the other. There's no point in getting irritated if the other person isn't doing anything wrong, just because you would do it differently. Always be honest, but think about how you present something. Discuss your irritations, but do this in an objective way about how you feel about it. Stop with the “you do this – and you do that”. Focus on how something makes you feel, without pointing fingers. If you communicate well about this, you'll learn exactly what's wrong without causing a big conflict.

12. Have some analog nights

If there's one thing I love, it's a movie night, but if you want to keep seeing each other, it's also nice to go analog every now and then. Each choose a book and read together. Play a board game together or work on a vision board together. Discuss dreams, rearrange your living room. Really: by putting your phone away for a while, you'll give each other more attention. You deserve that. Have a good conversation; it can work wonders. Put on some music and dance through the dining room.

Try doing these things in January, and you'll really get closer together. Trust me.