With these tips, you can chase the monotony out of your sex life
Let's be honest: no one starts a relationship with the idea that sex will one day become as predictable as your phone notifications. In the beginning, you can hardly keep your hands off each other, but over time, work, groceries, sports clubs, and endless ‘what are we having for dinner?’ conversations slowly take over. Before you know it, passion is somewhere at the bottom of the to-do list. Just below changing the cat litter.
No panic. That doesn't mean the spark is gone. Often it just needs a little oxygen. With these seven tips, you can upgrade your sex life again, without having to plan a complete makeover of your relationship right away.
First, take care of your own battery
You can't expect fireworks if you're walking around on one percent battery. Desire often arises more easily when you feel good about yourself. So make time for things that energize you. Meet up with friends, go exercise, pick up a hobby, or consciously plan an evening for yourself. Bonus point: also learn to discover what you enjoy. The better you know your own manual, the easier it becomes to share that knowledge with someone else.
Take another look at your partner
After years together, you sometimes mainly see the one who forgets to take out the trash or always puts the empty packaging back in the fridge. But try to consciously look at your partner again from time to time. Not as a housemate, but as the one you once fell head over heels for. What traits did you find attractive back then? What smile, glance, or habit made your heart race at that time? Often, the attraction is still there. Just hidden under a layer of daily routine.
Flirting is not just for singles
Many couples stop flirting as soon as the relationship is official. As if that chapter automatically closes as soon as the first shared IKEA cabinet is assembled. What a shame. A flirty text during work hours, a cheeky comment while cooking, or a meaningful glance from across the room can do surprisingly much. Tension often doesn't arise in the bedroom itself, but in the hours leading up to it.
Sprinkle more compliments
Appreciation is sexy. Really. Of course, your partner knows that you find him or her attractive. But hearing is more fun than guessing. Tell what you find beautiful. Name what you find attractive. Let someone know when they look good or do something that warms you up. See compliments as fuel for attraction. The more you fill up, the less likely the engine is to start sputtering.
Repeat an old hit
Not everything has to be new to feel exciting. Think back to your most fun moments together. That vacation where you hardly left the hotel room. That spontaneous adventure you still talk about years later. Or that period when the tension was almost palpable. What made those moments so enjoyable?
Sometimes you don't need to come up with a completely new recipe, but a successful classic just needs a comeback tour.
Forget that script
If sex always starts, proceeds, and ends according to exactly the same script, it becomes difficult to stay surprised. Therefore, consciously break the routine. Plan a hotel night. Try a new setting. Experiment with something you are both curious about. Or surprise each other at an unexpected moment. You really don't have to roll out a complete Fifty Shades storyline right away. Often, the tension lies in small things that are just different from normal.
Stop trying to be perfect
Sex becomes a lot less fun once it feels like you're auditioning for a romantic Netflix series. You don't have to play a mysterious seductress or smooth charmer if that doesn't suit you at all. In fact, authenticity usually works much better than acting. Do what feels good for you. Laugh when something feels awkward. Dare to be yourself. Because in the end, real tension doesn't arise because someone is perfect, but because someone dares to show their true self.
Get rid of the routine
A routine doesn't develop overnight, so don't expect it to disappear after one evening. But small changes can surprisingly make a big difference.
A little attention, a pinch of curiosity, and occasionally making time for each other often do more than any miracle cure. In other words: sharpen that spark again. Before you know it, something else is on fire besides just the oven.
