Believe it or not, but seven years ago I had never been to New York. A virgin then. Just like Kate Middleton because she is only going on her maiden voyage to the most fun city in the world in December. Incomprehensible, if I were her I would have sent that PJ to JFK seventeen times already but somehow this trip took quite a while for me as well so I won't judge.

I made up for my late visit tremendously because since then I have received at least three stamps in my passport from a strict JFK customs officer every year. Moreover, I rubbed shoulders with people who lived in New York, so I made up for it.

All in all, I think I am the right person to tell Kate where she should go. Ready? Ready!

From thick wood, one saws planks.

If you've been to New York a few times, you really prefer to walk in Greenwich or Chelsea than on Times Square. But the first time you want the New York from the movies. Big time. Kate; “Take the helicopter right away, high five with lady Liberty, land at the Park Plaza hotel, descend down and let yourself be driven through Central Park with a horse and carriage and a blanket over the royal legs.

Terribly tacky but you want this anyway. Then a quick ride in a yellow cab to Times Square for a picture in front of the billboards. Then a quick visit to the Empire State Building and you are deflowered. Now we can slowly get you ready for the real work.

Shop and spa.

Kate, you are pregnant and let New York be the paradise for expectant mothers. The Juicy Couture store on Fifth Avenue has the cutest pacifiers and way cooler stuff than all that lacy British nonsense. After that, you can go to Bergdorf Goodman, the most beautiful department store. If I were you, I would grab a bite to eat there right away. You sit in the most beautiful armchairs and you surf divinely on the Bergdorf wifi.

Kate, you are pregnant and let New York be the paradise for expectant mothers.

After lunch, I recommend a deluxe lounging moment. Book yourself a spa at the classic Carlyle Hotel. You will be treated with Sisley products, your mattress is heated and even your slippers are warmed up before you put them back on. Paradise on Park.

The real work.

Now we can slowly descend downtown. You are of course very curious about the Meatpacking District. Now you shouldn't expect too much from it anymore. The hipster era is over. But I do advise you to shop at Diane von Furstenberg that makes dresses that really flatter your pregnant belly. Intermix a bit further on the right side is also a very nice multibrand store. And do you see that diner right in front of you on your right? Just after The Standard Grill? Yes, that one. All the top models and photographers often sit there. The Milk Studios are nearby, hence.

Now we descend to NoHo, Soho, Tribeca, and Chelsea. The Soho Grand has the finest winter lobby, I think. On Broadway, we stop at Victoria’s Secret for a moment. You could use a new set now, it seems to me.

Now we descend to NoHo, Soho, Tribeca, and Chelsea. The Soho Grand has the finest winter lobby, I think. On Broadway, we stop at Victoria’s Secret for a moment.

After that, we let our black car drive to Brooklyn. No, that's not shabby. Brooklyn Heights is actually uber-chic. And in Redhook, you find the cutest little places and wine bars. Even if you don't drink, it's still fun. We are eating tonight at Morandi, my favorite. It's in Greenwich and only locals really come there.

After that, do you want to go out? Where the action is? Then we have to go to le Bain, they even have a jacuzzi and you have the most beautiful view over the city. Normal mortals have to wait hours in line but something tells me that we, you and I, will get in there together pretty quickly.