AWAY WITH THOSE SELF-HELP BOOKS
THIS IS THE REAL TRUTH
Years ago, I was the deputy editor-in-chief of Pink Ribbon Magazine. A dear colleague who had breast cancer (and unfortunately has since passed away) offered to write a story with the little veiled title ‘Fuck The Secret’.
What is now Fifty Shades of Grey was then The Secret. Everyone had it, everyone read it. But it made my colleague furious. So I have breast cancer because I didn't radiate enough positive thoughts into the universe? So it's all my fault? F*ck that. I completely agreed with her.
Personally, I'm not a fan of self-help books. I often find it a lot of fluff and nonsense that doesn't get you very far. At least not me. But now there is a book that I will definitely purchase. This title is once again a typical case of straight to the point. F*ck Gevoelens: Een Psychiater's Praktische Adviezen voor het Beheren van Alle Onmogelijke Problemen in het Leven.
It is written by psychiatrist Michael Bennett and his daughter Sarah Bennett and, as the title suggests, they don't beat around the bush. Here are the four main points.
F•ck het geheim
How happy my colleague Sandra would have been with that. This psychiatrist says that it is scientifically total nonsense to think that positive thoughts will bring you great happiness.
Embrace your negative side
Stop being angry at yourself when you gossip, feel your jealousy rise when your friend is completely in love and you are sitting alone on the couch and don't feel guilty if you couldn't control yourself with that bar of Tony Chocolonely salted chocolate. We all have a ‘dark side’ (as far as the above examples can really be called dark) and even you are not perfect. Accept it, then everything becomes a lot easier.
Addiction is uncontrollable
This doesn't mean that you should immediately hook yourself up to a wine infusion and eat fries every day, of course. But you might realize that you really enjoy those glasses of Chardonnay. Try to look at what is reasonable for you, with what dose you can live as you want to live as a ‘decent’ person. The paradoxical but fun thing is that when you know and acknowledge what your weak spot is, you will stand stronger.
I will never forget the story of a fat woman (think a kilo or three hundred) with a milkshake addiction. She sought help from a psychiatrist who gave her one tip. With every milkshake she drank, she had to ask herself if she really liked it. This gave her control over the milkshake instead of the other way around. From that moment on, she often threw the milkshake away or didn't finish it, and voilà, fifty kilos just disappeared.
No one said it would be fun
Accept that there are people in your environment (even loved ones or perhaps especially a loved one) who will let you down or betray you. Why? Because in their eyes it may be the right thing to do at that moment. Everyone has their own background and motives in life and from their perspective, their actions may be very understandable and yours not. Some people will continue to let bad things happen and do nothing to stop them. Just because it's easier to let it happen than to take action. I watched ‘The Most Beautiful Girl in the Class’ last week in which a mother said she sent her daughter to a boarding school because her new boyfriend didn't click with her daughter. I find it unbelievable, but she must have had her ideas about it and then thought this was the best.
To quote Liesbeth: no one said it would be fun. And when you think about it, in practice, it usually turns out to be okay.
