Embarrassing things that happen when you stay over at a man's place

Super cozy of course, waking up next to each other. But sometimes it's just annoying that he sees that you're just a human too instead of that sultry beer-drinking goddess that you obviously are. Spend a few nights together and the following things are definitely going to happen, whether you like it or not.

Peeing sound

Yes, I always find that very awkward. That you're sitting on the toilet and the silence of the house is disturbed by such a stream of pee. I've twisted myself into all sorts of positions to make as little noise as possible, but nowadays I just turn on the tap and then you don't hear anything anymore.

Sleep farts

That you wake up from your own fart noise and then put on quite the acting performance titled “I'm Really Sleeping and Farting What Fart.” You know, and then also very consciously start breathing heavily and making sleep movements. So transparent.

Makeup-free morning face

Last night it was va-va-voom and your carefully positioned eyelashes were almost touching the ceiling, but in the morning it's all different and your eyes are stuck together from that same mascara, the pimples have free rein because the foundation is on your pillow, and those cute rosy blush cheeks are nowhere to be found.

Mascara smudges on the cheeks

After showering then. The average men's bathroom is not well stocked with nice creams, tubes, and jars, so the makeup that runs down your cheeks has to be scrubbed away with a mix of toothpaste and shaving foam. I once stood in a man's bathroom and really my WHOLE cheeks were black. But there was NOTHING to be found to wipe away the crime scene. So I ended up seriously applying shaving foam, letting it soak in, and then wiping it off with toilet paper, but I can tell you, that's not something your skin is particularly happy about. Red, rash, pimples, everything. Not cool.

Dead bird in the mouth

A guest once said to me in the morning after a night of a lot of red wine and cigarettes: “Do I smell just as bad from my mouth as you?” At first, I thought AS IF, but then it actually became very funny and then it became very, uh, cozy. Let's say. So you might as well make a joke out of it, because no one smells like roses when they just wake up. I also often sneak out of bed to brush my teeth secretly, by the way, but actually, that's cheating.

Ugly underwear

Normally, of course, you wear your best set, but suppose you accidentally end up in bed together and it was just laundry day and you're wearing a faded washed pair from Hema with maybe a hole. Oops. Years ago, I wore a bikini bottom in mid-January because everything was in the wash and of course, I ended up that very evening in bed with a gentleman. I mumbled something about swimming lessons but of course, I massively betrayed myself as a slob who doesn't do laundry often enough.