At the moment I am abroad and even though I once had a 9 on my final list for English, I realize with every sentence how many words I don't know.

Well, by now I do know that it’s ‘take a picture’ instead of ‘make a picture’. I think that’s the most common mistake made by Dutch people. Make a picture is the technical process in a darkroom. Clicking on your camera is ‘taking a picture’, then you know that for sure.

Now there is hope in fearful vacation days. Her name is Buffi Duberman and she is an incredibly fun New Yorker who also teaches at the Rock Academy in Tilburg. She has already written a book titled ‘30 ways to save your ass in English’ and now has 5 podcasts to help you tidy up your English.

That’s why, just for you and for me when we go across the border this summer, a list of language blunders that we better avoid.

I’m having my first period

That’s what people often say when they want to indicate that they are working a first term at a company. But for an English-speaking person, you say that you are experiencing your first menstruation. Say: ‘I just started my job’, that’s a lot less messy.

Watch out with sayings

‘We keep it in the holes’ and ‘Don’t let them eat the cheese of your sandwich’ or ‘The soup will never be eaten as hot as it is being served’. All of these, no, no, no saying. Unless you want to be the clown of the evening, of course. You can look up alternative sayings in English, but my advice is to just leave the sayings as they are. You never know what the real connotation is and let’s be honest; they already sound quite elderly in Dutch.

Fokken is breeding

How many times have I not heard this mistake. ‘I fuck horses’ said a horse breeder once. And my mother once explained to a business associate of my father that the spots on our Pointer dog came from ‘they fuck them like that…’

Playing with myself

This was on the back of a CD. ‘I’m an excellent guitarist because I’ve been playing with myself since I was six.’ Well, one doesn’t necessarily exclude the other, but self-pleasure doesn’t really do anything for your skills on your string instrument.

I’m coming at home

You obviously want to say that you are coming home. But what you really say is that you are going to climax at home soon. That might not have been the intention. The climax might have been, but sharing that, meh.

How do you do?

We all think this means ‘how are you?’. Wrong. It means; pleased to meet you. So you should only say this when you shake someone’s hand for the first time. After that, you say: ‘How are you’.

Fortunately

But Buffi herself also makes language blunders with us. For example, she regularly ordered ‘circumcised man seed bread, invitation cakes’ and asked a supermarket employee where she could find the dishwashing brushes.

You can sign up for Buffy's 5 free podcasts via http://www.businessenglishcommunication.com. From June 29 they will be available. Daily you will receive 1 podcast and ‘helpful phrases’ in your mailbox. I’m going to do it now. You too?