The four things that he, hopefully, will never wear

The men's fashion weeks are underway and where the shows are usually, excusez, rather boring for fashion girls for fashion girls this year it is quite striking. I will share the main trends with you, but not before I have seriously impressed upon you a don’t-try-this-at-home. I thought we had seen the worst when men walked the catwalk during Rick Owens' show in their bare little bits but what turns out? It can get crazier.

Spotted at Moschino. I must say I find the jackets still quite reasonable, sort of okay. For us then. Over a pencil skirt or ripped jeans or something. But can you see your boyfriend walking in this total look? Dude…

Just take a look at Craig Green's show. Why, why, why would you consider such an outfit? Maybe it's an option if you have a secret lover and you can go incognito together on the street? Or if you've snagged a particularly beautiful specimen and want to keep him hidden from other greedy girls? Really, I don't know what amount of LSD this designer consumed when sketching his collection, but I would say; do it next time with a cup of warm milk and see what happens.

After the skirt for men, it was of course only a matter of time before the corset would make its appearance on the male catwalks. I can perfectly imagine it on the shiny body of cage dancers in a gay bar (where I personally had a great time just the day before yesterday by the way) but I think my love will skip this one.

Then we have the face masks from the illustrious label Agi & Sam. Unless you find Hannibal the Cannibal a wildly attractive specimen, I suggest we skip this trend for a year and just dress our partner in a nice shirt and a cheerful jacket.