THE 5 FUNNIEST THINGS
that only children can say
When I treated myself to a beautiful matelassé jumbo Chanel, my daughter ran with my new bag to our babysitter and yelled across the room: “Stella, Stella, look, mommy has a new bag!” When I tried to temper her enthusiasm because showing off purchases is just not that chic, she said: “But mom, it’s from sha-nel.”
Children are really the funniest. I’ve gathered some of the funniest statements from my life with children.
1.
About the private jet
I had a colleague whose nephew had a private jet. Usually, she flew with her child on a big easyJet plane to the family house in Marbella, but this time they got to fly in uncle’s private jet. The five-year-old looked at the private plane, examined it critically and said with a slight disappointment in her voice: “Well, uncle Wim, I think it’s a bit small.”
2.
My mother plays a whore
An artist family moved into our neighborhood. The father of the girl was a painter and her mother an actress, as it later turned out. At the time of the move, she was playing a lady of the night in a film. When the girl was playing at our house and I asked her what her parents did, this was her answer: “My dad is an artist and my mom plays a whore.”
3.
I am perfect
When my daughter Bel was three years old, I took her to the health clinic and she had exactly the scores they indicated for her age. Length measured to the centimeter, weight to the ounce. “You’re just perfect,” said the proud health clinic doctor. Because you can never have enough self-confidence, I asked my little girl every day: “And what are you?” To which she would reply: “I am perfect.”
It was all fun, nice, and really cute until my car wouldn’t start and an ANWB guy came to help. He shook my hand and then extended his hand to my little girl. “Hi, I’m Theo,” he said. “And you are…?”
“Perfect!” was the answer.
4
I don’t want to say sorry
The daughter of a dear colleague is named Molly and when she was four, she went to Montessori school. She had gone for a trial day and it went fine, but still, she had to cry intensely hard the day before she was to go to school. What was wrong, her mother asked. “I don’t want to go to the Molly-sorry-school. I haven’t done anything naughty, I don’t want to say sorry all day.”
5
They are actually quite nice, right?
The passports needed to be renewed and all IDs had expired, so I went to the town hall with my whole family. We did dances around the wooden blocks they have there for decoration and spun the stool in the photo booth at least a hundred times. The girls were also allowed to sit on the counter and got a candy as well. Back in the car, one of my girls said: “But mom, I don’t understand why this is called the town hall. They are really nice.”
